Well, summer is almost over.
And seeing as it’s been one of the hottest I’ve ever experienced in Tel-Aviv, I for one am happy to say, “Goodbye Summer- And don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!!”

However- my joy is tempered with sorrow, because almost to the day, the last of summer means the end of the shiso season..
For those of you who know me, and my garden, you know that among other treasures lurking in the green oasis, such as pandan leaves, galangal, sky-pointing chilies, kaffir lime leaf trees, and lotus lilies,

Our Oasis

there exists my most precious culinary jewel- the elusive, elite, and absolutely irreplaceable SHISO.

For many Authentic Japanese specialties, you just cannot make them unless you have fresh shiso leaves.
If you live in Japan, Asia, San Francisco, NY, or Paris (the only city in Europe I’ve ever seen them, although there may be others) getting fresh shiso won’t be a problem.
However, if you live in Tel-Aviv, you can forget all about it.
I found this out the hard way 11 years ago when I moved here, and decided to make a Japanese dinner.
Fat and happy, I waltzed to the market, thinking I would surely be able to get shiso leaves- Only to be met with blank stares of incomprehension, and later when I asked horticulturists and suppliers, that it is impossible to grow them here because of the climate.
Well, I didn’t accept that, no way.
I ordered seeds from Japan, and spent the next 4 years trying to grow them:
I froze the seeds for 3 months to simulate the harsh Japanese winters.
I warmed the soil on coffee-cup warmers.
I tried planting the seeds in every month of the year.
Inside.
Outside.
Using different soil mixtures.
In short, I drove Alon insane with my experiments. Nothing worked.
Finally, in defeat, I threw years worth of pots and their contents into a big pile of soil I planned on mixing with compost, and resolved to forget my hopeless dream.
Imagine my surprise in the Spring when dozens of little shiso seedlings popped up in the compost heap.
Since then, they grow by themselves every year, reseeding themselves.
They grow to towering size, and the first growth leaves are comically gigantic, like lettuce leaves.

giant first-growth of the season shiso leaves

I’ve used these giant first growth leaves like sheets of Nori to wrap maki rolls, spring rolls, and other things…
And people from all over the country gradually heard about my shiso and
come grovelling and begging me to share them.
Now usually, I share anything, either ingredients, or knowledge, with anyone who asks.
But my shiso is different.
I worked for years to grow it, and I am not going to fork it over to some
nick-nack coffee-house cowboys to shove in the frig for 3 days and then put inside some atrocious bastardization of a Japanese dish that I wouldn’t feed to my cats!! No way!!

To this day, the only chef I have ever shared my precious shiso with, is the mighty chef Oren Goldwasser, a true expert in Japanese cuisine, who once had the only truly authentic Japanese restaurant in Israel, “Tatami”, in Haifa.
Which unsurprisingly, he closed, due to no one knowing or appreciating REAL and AUTHENTIC Japanese food here.
If I had to guess, the reason he closed probably was he got sick and tired of hearing clients ask him why he didn’t have a deep-fried chicken shnitzel and cream cheese maki on the menu.
(I wish I was joking, but I’m not. The photo below ,which to make it clear, OBVIOUSLY is not mine!!!  is what I found when I googled
“cream cheese maki”. WTF.)

this digraceful nightmare is, apparently, "cream cheese maki" And to this I say, "WTF"

In any case- Oren, much to my sadness at his not still having his Japanese place, now has a great fresh pasta place, “Fiori”, down in the Shuk ha’Namal, and needless to say, he doesn’t have any use for shiso leaves there.

http://www.shukhanamal.co.il/?p=795

Nonetheless, if he ever has a personal special dinner and asks for them, I make sure he gets them!
As for anyone else: Dream On!!

watch?v=k6Qd9VR1gD8

Here, by the way, is a link to a photo album of my yearly Shiso Kaiseki Dinner,  photos by my friend, the talented clarinet musician Michal Beit Halachmi :

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150161428156723.299016.546006722&type=1

Now without further ado, let me share with you (let’s face it, this recipe will only be able to be used by those of you who don’t live in Israel.
Unless someone here other than Oren impresses me enough to share, but oh well. Life isn’t always fair!!)

FRESH SHRIMP in TEMPURA SHISO:

Ingredients:
12 extra large, live or almost live, whole fresh shrimp.

Peeled, heads cut off, keep the very last segment of the tail shell on, clean the sand vein by cutting through the back with a tournee (oh and believe me: fresh live shrimp have a lot of crap in them an it’s pretty gnarly job cleaning them. Make sure to rinse them well after cleaning the guts.)
Under no circumstances use frozen shrimp for this dish!!!!!

I ONLY buy fish and seafood from Moshe (Musi) Penster, who in addition to having THE BEST fish shop in town, ( 03-510-1863) is also like a brother to me and is one of the most hilarious guys you’ll ever meet, and a crazy perfectionist, too!!!
Here’s  a photo of him, plus me and Alon, at his shop one night when we had “Sushi Night” in the market!

http://www.rimaolvera.com/blog/night-shuk-sushi-bar-what-fun-we-had/

12 fresh shiso leaves

12 toothpicks

Tempura flour, 1 cup

Shichimi (togaroshi) japanese chili powder

Ice cold water

Canola oil

For ponzu dipping sauce:
Soy sauce, 1/4 cup
Yuzu juice, 4 TB
Mirin, 6 Tb
Lemon juice, juice from 1/2 fresh lemon

METHOD:

Mix all Ponzu sauce ingredients. Set aside.

Wrap each fresh shrimp in a shiso leaf as shown in photo. Secure with a toothpick.

In 2 bowls, split the tempura flour in equal parts.
Mix about 2/3 cup ice water with the flour in one of the bowls.
Make sure not to overmix, in fact, it should be lumpy, and look terrible and as if it isn’t mixed right.
It should be very thin, NOT a thick “pancake” batter, like most people here seem to think Tempura batter is suppposed to look like.

(Damn!! I’ve eaten “Fish n’Chips” in England with a more delicate batter than most tempura in Israel!! Ugh!!)

Heat a heavy bottomed pot filled halfway up with canola oil. Heat up gradually, on med-low heat, not quickly heating it on high heat. Test by adding a drop of the batter. It should sizzle
and float immediately.

Dredge the wrapped shrimp in the other bowl containing the reserved dry tempura flour, knock off excess by banging on your hand holding the shrimp, with your other hand (don’t touch the shrimp itself)

Dip the shrimp, in batches of 4, in the tempura batter, amd shake off excess. It should look very light and you should see the shrimp and leaves colours very clearly, if the batter looks like it is covering it too thickly, add more water.

Fry in batches of 4, turning once, for about 1 minute total, until just barely cooked and the leaf is crispy.

Remove to drain on paper towels, sprinkle with Shichimi pepper, serve immediately with the Ponzu sauce.
Oiishi!!!!! (delicious)

Sorry about the cleavage and no makeup, but it's my day off

Manga Alon!

Blue is waiting in vain for some

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I’m sure it will surprise no one that my first post for Xnet ( www.xnet.co.il) will be about markets.
In this case the markets of Mexico, where I just returned from after 2 weeks.

What may surprise some of you is the absolutely dazzling level of quality, products, and the mind- boggling array of delights in Mexico’s markets that could fuel the fantasy feasts of foodophiles for years on end..

Mexico is a true love of mine.

I’ve seen her many times, at her best and at her worst, but every time I am mesmerized, enchanted, and I fall immediately under her spell the second I step off the plane..

There is something about this place, it seems always to be vibrating with an almost uncontainable life force, full of gladness, beauty, and vital sensuality.

The glimpses of the frightening or the grotesque just make it that much more intoxicating and it is exactly the contrasts here which make this place unlike any other on earth.

This visit was the first time Alon has been to Mexico, so it made it even more special for me-

for years I had wanted him to taste and see all the secret and rare things which I had loved so much and had always wanted to share with him..

Mexico’s culinary history is as vivid and extreme as the history of the country-

Gods, mythology, legends, sexuality- all these things in Mexico are connected somehow or another with food.

Nothing pleasurable, or sacred, in life, or in death, are separated from food.

I will get into this in more detail in future, but for now, let’s just say, “That’s just the way I like it!!”

First of all, we went immediately to the Friday Market, in Condesa, Mexico City.

It’s a travelling market which is located in different areas of the largest city in the world, (25 million people!!) on different days of the week.

We went with my culinary soulmate, the incredible chef, Peter Norman,( who lives with his partner, a stunningly talented jewelry designer and the possesor of one of the most hilarious senses of humour I have ever seen..to meet either of them is to immediately fall in love) in a beautiful apartment just a few minutes away..

The Jacaranda trees that fill the huge park in Condesa are just about to burst into full bloom, filling the air with their dusty perfume and carpeting all the streets with their sky blue blossoms.

Tiny birds fly everywhere. The park is filled with all different kinds of things-

The dark and sinister sounding whistle of the “Camote Man”, selling delicious wood- fire roasted sweet potatoes from a rolling cart with attached wood- burning fire oven!

The taco seller, with miniature freshly- made corn tortillas filled with roasted pork and fresh salsas and grilled green onions, you get them in sets of 4, add fresh lime and blazing hot habanero chiles.. The cost? 20 pesos (about 5 shekels!)

Fruit juice sellers, with a selection of fruits that overwhelm you, our favourite was the fresh Nopale cactus mixed with pink grapefuit- it’s delicious, extremely healthy, and is great for weight loss- an added bonus!

But I digress- we were off to the Friday Market!

The first thing I saw, to my delight, was this:

Oaxacan women making “gorditas” delectable treats made from Aztec blue corn, filled with handmade cheese, beans, meats.. Of course we ate several!

This little market packs a mighty punch:

The produce and vegetables blew my mind!

“Cuitlacoche”- a black fungus which grows inside ears of corn, discreetly today called “Mexican Corn Truffles”, it’s real name in the ancient language of the Aztecs, Nahuatl, actually translates to :

“Shit of the Gods”!! Oh my goodness!! Well, whatever you call it, it’s intense, unusual, and delicious!

Fresh pumpkin flowers!! fry them in a batter made from flour and beer, and dust them with salt!

Chayote vine squash, a pale green squash the colour of mint sorbet and with the delicate flavour and texture of cucumbers! These will clean your blood and remove toxins from your body!

Tiny tomatillos, sleeping in their papery husks, pink and blue potatoes the size of your little fingernail!

Jicama, a cool, intensely crunchy, and delicious root like a giant water-chestnut, a favourite treat is to cut them into big paletas like an “Artik” ice pop, and then dip them into sugars and salts flavoured with all kinds of different fruit essences and chiles!

But the jewel here (of course!!) is the FISH!!

This little stand was packed with some of the most pristine fish and seafood I have seen outside of the best markets of Europe!!

Huge Dorados! “Tiburones” ( thresher sharks) which must be eaten within 12 hours of being caught! “Percebes”, which are an esoteric delight often seen in the very best restaurants in Spain, these are giant barnacles, boiled for exactly 4 minutes in salt water ,and removed from their scaly “legs”.

In Spain these creatures cost 20 Euro per 100 grams, and taste exactly like fresh lobster!

Octopus (Pulpo), giant locus, and the best quality giant fresh shrimp I have ever seen, and now I will just rub a little salt in your wounds by mentioning that they cost about 40 shekels a kilo!!

The fish guys are incredible professionals, and have intense and obvious pride in their work. Respect!!

Now I can go on for hours on this subject but I will save some for later, and leave you with Peter’s simple yet special, recipe for: “Camarones en Tequila”. ( He uses Mezcal, but let’s face it. The chances of finding Mezcal in Israel, are small. If you do find it, or have it, use it)

And don’t blame me if you immediately after eating them drop everything and book a flight to Mexico!

Ingredients:

16 large FRESH shrimp, cleaned with scissors through the back of the shell and sand vein removed.

3 teeth fresh garlic, sliced

1-2 fresh green chilies, sliced into rings

Coarse sea salt

Fresh limes or lemons

Tequila (real, not that horrible fake Israeli “kahila” or whatever it’s called)

Canola oil

Ps.

For 10 years, since I moved to Israel, I ONLY buy my fish at “Moshe Fish”, in the Shuk ha’Carmel, and you should too.

03-5101863. And to make sure he pays attention to you, tell Moshe that Rima sent you.

He’s like a brother to me! I made the food for his kids’ Bar and Bat Mitzvahs!

He had everyone at our wedding sobbing with his speech, and he held up a corner of my Chuppah !

and his fish is simply, The Best.

Method:

In an EXTREMELY hot pan or wok add first the oil and when it starts to smoke, add the shrimp, garlic, and chilies.

Saute until the shrimp are cooked, about 3 minutes.

Add about 1/4 cup tequila, tilt the pan to catch the alcohol on fire, let it burn off.

Add plenty of sea salt and squeeze fresh limes ( try to get limes. It makes a big difference!!

You can call me if you want and if you are very nice I will give you some from my trees!) or lemons on top, serve with the rest of the tequila to drink on the side.

Pura Vida!!

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La Maison, in Tel-Aviv, is exactly the type of place I love:
Tiny, free of artifice, and without a single molecule of compromise or pretension, to be found within it’s walls.

And better yet, it’s run by two of the best cooks in town, the former chefs at Yoezer, (Also in my TLV Top 5)  Ilan DovShani  and Ben Tidhar.
Not only do these guys bust out the VERY BEST charcuterie in Tel-Aviv, they are also fantastic guys who work hard, remain simple and down to earth, and make no secret that they are on a mission for perfection.
In short: My Kind of Guys.

In the several months that they have been open, I have become a real pest to those guys, I tell you:
I sit there at least twice a week, usually with an entourage of cooks, shovelling up everything those two are making, taking up all the space outside, (which is 3 tables outside on the sidewalk enclosed with a simple cast-iron fence with charming little iron birds clustered on the wires. Tres mignon!)

drinking fine Belgian beers, or in my case, arak, talking about industry gossip, and in general, treating the place like it’s our living room.
Well, true, there is a beauty-salon across the street catering to the, ahem, “cross-dressing” crowd, and maybe that isn’t in any of our living rooms, or maybe it is, because it’s none of my business what my cooks or my friends do at home!
But, hey, I am not complaining about that! It adds to the atmosphere!

This is not a real client of the beauty salon across the steet

Which is exactly another thing which is so great about La Maison-
Ilan and Ben aren’t just chefs. They are genuinely warm and interesting people, who make everyone, not just us cooks, feel at home.

Now that I have spent a bunch of time telling you what hella guys they are, let’s get down to business.
And by “Business”, I mean, discussing the best charcuterie that I have eaten in Israel.
Let’s face it: all the poseurs and followers of PR hype may sit at “Charcuterie”, but I sure hope it isn’t for the actual charcuterie, because that place is like that old story about “The Emperor’s New Clothes”- in short, a load of pretensions, out-of–line prices, and no substance.

The opposite is true at La Maison:
Their Pate de Campagne is comparable to the best ones that I have tried in France: Roughly ground liver, cured meats, and pistachios, gently baked en bain marie, the texture is rustic yet sublime, the flavours balanced, complex, and delectable! And let me tell you, it isn’t easy to make this the right way!
The outrageously rich and decadent Terrine of Chicken and Chicken Livers with White Truffle is simply “Over The Top”- and I mean that in the very best way!!
You’ll feel like a privileged French aristocrat when you sit down and eat this!

The little jars of the lightest and most delicate Veal Liver mousse are a special treat that should NOT be missed.
And the lightly smoked Pork Neck with a thick crust of toasted fennel seeds is succulent, unique, and makes a sandwich so divine it will bring tears to your eyes!

Rima is eating too much as usual

Handmade Coppa? Hell yeah!
Jambon, with a perfectly decadent layer of fat surrounding the delicate, sweet meat!
A Pancetta that they cure for 4 months, the only one in Israel!
I used to have to hand carry the stuff back home from trips to Italy!
A Roast Beef which they make from a huge cut of Sirloin on the Bone- covered with a thick crust of herbs butter and roasted to a perfect medium-rare!
Oh my God!  I usually sit there and eat about 300 grams of this, on it’s own, for lunch!
Corned Beef, Smoked Veal Pastrama- All of the very best quality, and with their unmistakable signature of excellence.

Even the potato salad, and chopped liver is different and so much better than the usual versions..
They also make handmade fresh sausages, which are sold raw, to take home and cook-  and yeah, I know that everyone and his brother has started making fresh sausages around here lately, but don’t be fooled:
Making sausages is a precise and difficult science, not as simple as just tossing a bunch of random stuff into a meat grinder and stuffing it into sausage casings-
(as most people do here!)
Making a perfect sausage is a precise emulsification technique- meaning that exactly the right amounts of meat and fat, at the correct temperatures, must be blended together to form the mixture, so it won’t turn into a greasy, crumbly, mess when cooked! Now that’s the kind of  “Molecular” cuisine I like!
These sausages are by far and away, the very best in Israel.
A perfect Boudin Noir (Blood Sausage) delicately flavoured with muscat and pepper.. succulent Smoked Paprika Chorizo,
(perfect for making Paella, I might add) white Bratwurst…
Take a bunch of these home, grill them up, make a salad and open a few bottles of wine.. Dinner is served!!

This is Ilan

And as if that isn’t enough, Ben has recently started to make absolutely fresh, delicious, and delicate pickled Palamida, and herring cured with olive oil, bay leaves, and allspice! Mon Dieu!
He claims he never eats fish unless it’s raw, so he won’t touch the stuff himself, but I have something to say to him: Buddy, you don’t know what you are missing!
And in case you cheap bastards aren’t convinced yet, the prices are not only reasonable, they are in fact, TRES reasonable!
Believe me, cooks are notoriously broke, and whether they love a place or not, if they can’t afford it, they just don’t go!
And my crew is there multiple times a week!

Up until now, they have been open from noon-8pm, from Sundays to Thursdays, and until 4pm on Fridays, but now, they plan on opening up at night, too, with a tiny bar, which in my opinion, is fantastic news.
Now all of us cooks can not only sit there all day, we can sit there at night, too- and DRINK! Hallelujah!
I only have one request, guys:
Bring some more wine, please! Or at least some Pastis! Truth be told, I’m not a beer-drinkin’ kind of girl.
But that’s just being petty, really.
I’ve even made a convert of Alon! If we don’t go there every Friday afternoon for lunch, he sulks and pouts, whines and complains, and generally makes my life miserable, until we get there!

Alon is drinking too much as usual

Well- as all of you know, at any given time, there are only 5 restaurants which I will sit at, happily, and recommend in Tel-Aviv, and since Yoshi closed a while back, there had only been 4-
Until La Maison came along, and jumped on in to the Elite Top 5!!
And to that, I say- Welcome, Boys, and Long May You Reign!!

La Maison
Tchernikovsky #1 (near corner of Allenby)

03) 620 6022

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For those of you who watch “Duet”-
There is one episode which was devised by the producers to cover-up a disastrous pilot, (nothing to do with me!!)
where I must introduce the episode by saying:
“This is an unusual Duet..because this time, it’s not my story..”

And so I will say this again.. but yet, in a way, it is my story, because it is the story of when Rima met Peter..
A chance meeting which, in fact, changed my life.

So, it began about a year ago, we were sitting around the house on Saturday, and the phone rang.
It was Yomi Levi (you remember, one of my best friends, who, along with his brother, owns and runs the best Turkish specialty shop in Tel-Aviv.. מעדניית יום טוב at 43 Levinsky..)
”Wake up!” he said, “We are going to Herzliya to eat at a great Turkish place! I’m picking you up in an hour!”
So what to do except get ready to go??

An hour later, Yomi arrived at our door, and with him was a drop-dead gorgeous man who looked like some sort of cinematic fantasy hybrid between, say, George Clooney, and a young Sean Connery..

Yomi introduced us, saying “This is Peter Norman- the famous Swedish chef everyone has been telling you that you must meet- he popped by, and decided to join us for lunch!”

Now, of course, I was overjoyed.
Because, actually, for months, I had been hearing “Chatter” (as they say in the C.I.A and Mossad when referring to receiving  high-quality buzz about someone-) about the fabulous Peter Norman- a crazy chef and stylist of mythological talent, who for reasons unknown, had decided to leave his pastoral farm in Sweden and move to Israel..
And in fact, I had been scheduled several times to meet him and due to one arak thing or another, just never happened..

Well, never mind. He came into our house, a book in his hand, introduced himself..
And it was that old cliche you always hear..”I felt like I had known him my entire life”. But it was true.
The book he had brought to me was in fact a copy of his book, “the PINK Cookbook”

http://www.lundlund.com/food-stylists/peter-norman/biography

Now, as all of you know, I do not read, or own, any cookbooks. But this one was different.
Not so much a cookbook, this was the single most aesthetically beautiful piece of food art I had ever seen.
And what made it even more striking to me was, the same time as I had been travelling the world, to 13 locations, filming “Duet”- Peter had been travelling the world- to 13 locations- shooting on location each chapter of his book.
It was remarkable, and his book took my breath away- And it still does.

Within hours of meeting, (Well, the place in Herzliya was closed!) we were all sitting at a steak house in NeveTzedek- (Makom shel Basar, to be exact, and I actually happen to really like this place- site : http://makomshelbasar.rest-e.co.il/)  Eating steaks, drinking countless bottles of wine, talking about travels, life, food, adventures, as if we were lifelong friends just reunited after a few months of travels apart, comparing stories..

That night (which in fact happened to be Peter’s birthday) ended up with us all over at Peter’s place-
(A beautiful, welcoming oasis of impeccable taste, refinement, and beauty, in the middle of Tel-Aviv)
drinking Swedish Aquavit, downing frozen vodka, eating caviar, dancing around the room to Brazilian remixes of 70’s disco classics, and generally having the time of our lives!!

And that was the start of our friendship.
From that day on, we trawled the markets of Tel-Aviv, ate countless dinners in his beautiful home, gossiped, planned menus, brainstormed ideas for all kinds of projects, cooked and ate beautiful meals, and of course, drank endless bottles of wine..

Peter, as is his nature, that is to say, he is a true citizen of the world, and follows his heart fearlessly, and purely, has moved away to Mexico City, just 2 weeks ago, with his partner, who we all fell in love with as he did..

And I will say this-
My life, and in fact, all of Israel, became a duller, and poorer place the day he left.
I have never met someone like Peter before- Full of charm, grace, laughter, wit, generosity, empathy, and blazing talent- Yet without one bit of the pretentious ego or narcissism that plague many in our field, with far lesser gifts than his..

I know I will visit him many times in beautiful Mexico,  a country which is also one of my true loves..
Strangely, in another part of my life, I was sure I would move there to live one day.

And I know he will be back to Israel many times, too, as the dust of this strange land has gotten under his skin, and will never allow him to turn his back completely on this place..

Meeting Peter was one of the rare occurrences which even fleetingly, make me believe in a higher power-
One which brought us together in order to experience life all that much more fully.

Miss you Peter

Rima Olvera & Peter Norman’s Grilled Fresh Shrimp with Tarragon and Pistachio Butter

20 large fresh shrimps, cleaned by cutting through the back of the shell with scissors, removing the sand vein, but leaving the head attached (if you simply insist on it, you can remove the heads, but they look and taste much better with them on..)

Carefully butterfly the shrimp tails (open them, but leave the shell whole from the back to hold the butter while roasting..)
2 sticks (200 grams) unsalted butter, softened,
3-4 cloves fresh garlic,
1 bunch fresh tarragon leaves,
about 1/4 cup fresh flatleaf parsley,
splash of Pastis, Pernod, or white wine,
zest from 1 lemon,
several turns fresh ground black pepper,
1/4 cup of shelled crushed pistachios,
big pinch sea salt-
Process all in food processor.
Spread each opened shrimp tail (look at photo) with a thick layer of the butter, and roast on top rack of oven, on hottest temp/”broil”, for about 4-5 minutes.
Serve immediately, with fresh lemon wedges (Meyer’s if available) nice sourdough bread, a frisee and lettuce salad, and a few bottles of crisp, dry white wine (like Sancerre, or good unoaked Sauvignon Blanc)

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First of all, let me apologize for the long time since I posted, but I have a good excuse: I was busy!!
(Busy eating food, drinking wine, riding my bike around, cooking at Omnivore, and generally enjoying life!!)
So I hope you will forgive me, and I’m sure you will, when you hear about the surreal, unexpected, and excellent FRIDAY AFTERNOON FISH CLUB which I was privileged enough to have been invited to a few weeks ago-

It happened that (as usual, on Fridays) I was sitting at Gabe’s, surrounded by the incomparable companionship of about 50 sabras, geezers, hipsters, artists, drunks, arsim, and other upstanding members of society, all half-smashed on cheap arak and beer at 1pm in the afternoon- and one of these citizens happened to be Shlomi- the architect of the Friday Fish Club…

And the conversation went something like this:
Shlomi and Entourage: “Hey- you’re Gabe’s friend, right? The chef?? You like to eat fish??”
Rima “You’re kidding, right?! I LIVE to eat fish!!”
Shlomi and Crew: “Ok!!  then come to xxxxxx car garage, at xxxx st, in Holon, next Friday!”

And so I went.
With a few pals, and Alon, who, like me, is not one to let a fish of any size, be the one that got away.

First of all- This place happened to be in an actual car-repair garage, in Holon. Which if you will excuse me for saying so, is not exactly the place I would expect to go to if I were looking for a great fish eating experience.
But never mind!!
As a matter of fact, some of the best food I have ever eaten, in places all over the world, has been found in unexpected places like these-
so take a word of advice, and never miss an opportunity to discover some hidden treasures in secret places…
You might discover something amazing,  as I did that day, such as:
Home- made Bottarga, smoked baby sardines, fried tiny barbunia, cooked in an empty oil- drum, over a fire of wood scraps from the wood shop next door,

cured mackerel in allspice and vinegar,  fresh salted anchovies, and a madly tasty rice and fried liver pilaf made by a Georgian (Former Soviet Republic Georgia- not Georgia, the state in USA) !!!

Oh , not to mention, a whole fresh salmon fillet with sage and almonds crust. (made by ME)
here’s how to do it:

(I like to make this with a whole salmon fillet, leave the skin on, but de-bone, spread the pesto on top, but also good on salmon steaks or other fish too)

take 1 bunch fresh sage (leaves only) put in food processor w/
juice from 1-2 big lemons
splash of rice vinegar
some hot green chiles, like jalapenos, to taste
coarse sea salt  to taste
black pepper
demerara- pale brown sugar crystals (“sugar in the raw”) (or light brown sugar-)about 4 big spoons

fresh garlic- about 4 cloves
handful of fresh parsley leaves, about 1/2 bunch, leaves only
splash olive oil, plus about 1/3 cup canola oil
Blend all to paste.
Add:
about 1/2 cup sliced toasted almonds
Pulse to blend nuts into the paste.
Adjust balance with sugar, salt, lemon juice.
Spread a thick layer of this mix on salmon steaks or fillets, roast in oven at hottest temp til golden on top.. a whole large side of salmon will take about 25 mins. Steaks or individual fillet pieces, about 7 mins.

Well, back to the Fish Club:

When we arrived, we saw the doors to the car-repair garage open, and a huge table set up inside- covered with paper, big bottles of cola, beer, and arak-

And about 15 tough-looking guys all sitting around both the table, and standing around outside, next to the oil- drum fish fryer and grill, shouting, drinking, playing music, cleaning and cooking fish, and in general, having a hella good time.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1agsx_louis-jordan-saturday-night-fish-fr_music

We of course jumped right in, and although my salmon was looked at suspiciously at first, as it was brought on a “fancy” Moroccan platter, and not an aluminum disposable baking tray, but as soon as they took a bite, it was deemed acceptable, and everyone dug in! In fact, they even asked me how to make it!
Arak was flowing like water! Fish bones were flying! handmade Bottarga, which costs about 100 dollars+ a pound in a shop, was being passed around like chips!!
(Bottarga is either made from tuna or grey mullet caviar, salted, pressed, and considered by connoisseurs of really good caviar products and fish, to be one of the world’s great delicacies. And I agree.
(Make some spaghetti- AL DENTE of course!! – add a load of fresh garlic, olive oil, cracked pepper, fresh chopped parsley, a squeeze of lemon, and grate Bottarga over the top- and you will  cry tears of joy!!!)
ok.. ok…  this pic (which is not mine) has fresh oysters also, which is also excellent.. but not necessary…

Piles of delicate fried baby barbunia ( Mediterranean red mullet) were being dumped on the table!
My cute single girl friend was getting phone numbers right and left from the guys!
I had a whole bottarga in one hand, and a water glass full of arak in the other! Heaven!!

Well, listen. This sort of thing isn’t for everyone.
I mean, certain people I know, in fact one of them happens to be one of my best friends, and their first name begins with an O and their family name begins with an A,

might  prefer to sit at Montefiore, sipping a martini and eating frozen shrimp for 200 shekels a dish, and you know what?? I myself don’t mind that myself once in a while
Well, I mean, I mind the frozen shrimp, but they make a pretty good martini over there.
But still!! He just doesn’t know what he’s missing by never setting his foot at a place like the Fish Club, or Gabe’s!!

And this was THE REAL THING!!!! “Without Salt” as they say around here! Hardcore!!
Shlomi and the boys were perfect hosts, and the fish was sublime.
I just wish I would have brought my salmon in an aluminum disposable tray.  Next time.

So call me if you want a recommendation to get into this exclusive club!!!!
And bring arak.  After all, I will definitely be there, and I don’t drink beer.
So be warned.
See you over there one of these Fridays soon. (it’s once every few weeks. Gabe’s otherwise!!)

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This is just a “short” note to discuss a risotto I ate last night at Il Pastaio,
which for lack of a better word, was @#$% ing Transcendent! Ethereal! Sublime! Exquisite! Celestial!!

Il Pastaio

In any case, you get the point that it was delicious.
It was this:
Lemon and Saffron Risotto.
The Arborio rice was al-dente- perfectly so.
*Note to TLV “Chefs” – You DO NOT make risotto by putting rice and water into a pan, covering it, and walking away. Testo di Cazzo!!!!!
You must STAND THERE AND STIR IT, CONTINUALLY, THE ENTIRE TIME.
And PS. remember the Italian saying of how to make perfect risotto:

“Rice is born in water, and dies in wine”

This means, add wine to the rice in the pan first- before anything else!
Not water, or  the old Israeli favourite- powdered chicken soup concentrate.
I’ll give you guys this helpful tip free of charge!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arborio_rice

It was FLAT- which by the way, is EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be!
You aren’t supposed to be able to stack up risotto up in a tall pile!!
(i.e., unlike the SPACKLE which is passed off as risotto everywhere else in Tel-Aviv- soggy, mushy, filled with butter, cheap cheese, and believe it or not usually cream too, and so thick it can be and usually is, put into ring-molds and formed into solid, nasty, mountains- and usually served with some more crap piled on top of that, I might add!!)

It was filled with the delicate taste of both fresh lemons, and the ephemeral fragrance of a very special type of saffron.

Saffron Harvesting

Which comes from, well, let’s just say:
“A Nation with whom Israel does not have Diplomatic Ties with”.
It is the best saffron in the world, and if you happen to watch the Istanbul episode of my show, Duet, (here’s a promo clip from here. The clip is in Hebrew, sorry.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=142785493139&ref=mf

The show itself however is in English.
If you happen to live in Asia, Europe, Russia, or Israel, you can see it on tv.
If not, ask GRB media, which is the US distributor, to release it in the US. Thanks!!

There you will see me comment on finding some of it in the market there.
NO ONE here, other than me, uses this stuff, and instead uses the cheap,
C-grade Spanish saffron which has an unmistakably bitter aftertaste.

Did I mention the slight creaminess of EXACTLY the right amount of Parmigiano Reggiano?!

Parmigiano Reggiano

The colour of that heavenly saffron shining like the golden rays of a sunset in Paradise?!
The sighs of sensual delight as we all devoured every last grain of rice and then felt like picking up the plate and licking it?!

Well, in any case, the last time I had a risotto that perfect, it was made by the blessed hands of my legendary saute cook, “Manny”  (Manuel)-
A tiny, aggressive, Yucatan Mexican Mayan Indian, who happened as well as being one of the best line cooks I ever had the privilege of working with, was a true master of the art of making a perfect risotto, had a wicked and cynical sense of humour, and was also married to a 6- foot tall Irish redhead who loved to drink  and fight almost, well, ok, even more, than Manny himself.
What a Legend!

But I digress: the risotto, made by Manny, that had been burned into my memory as being the best I ever had, up until last night ,
(And p.s. this includes the dozens I have eaten all over Italy)
happened to have been a wild mushroom risotto, made with a mix of pristine wild chanterelles,  lobster mushrooms, and porcinis, from the forests of California, and hand-delivered by a bear of a guy who looked like he himself lived in a hollow log in the same forest his precious mushrooms were collected in!!)

Wild Mushrooms

Manny, “En Camote” (deep in the S**T ) of a particularly vicious service which included, among other things, tickets rumbling out of the printer like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, RH half-drunk on a bottle of red wine hidden indiscreetly behind the waiter’s buzzer, yet nonetheless expediting perfectly the seething mass of aggression, stress, and fiery madness that was an  Enrico’s Friday night dinner rush-

And in the middle of this mayhem, Manny passed down the line to me, as I was working my usual station on the grill, directly in the malevolent, tractor-beam like glare of RH, the leftover remains from a pan of that mythological risotto.
I stuck a spoonful of it in my mouth, in between throwing on the grill a frightening number of duck breasts, tuna steaks, boneless quail, and god knows what else the Evil Expeditor had mercilessly called to me all at once..
And I tell you when that risotto hit my tongue I heard a heavenly chorus of Angels singing!

The singing Angel actually didn't look like this. but this picture is more interesting

About 20 minutes later, a waiter comes running in, risking the Wrath of RH by showing his face in the kitchen without being buzzed- warning us that a table of Italians were on their way to the kitchen and they wanted to speak to the chef about the risotto they had just eaten.

“WTF?!” I remember thinking, “what in the name of Batman’s Mother does anyone have to say about the risotto?! It was perfect!”
I turned my attention back to the grill, whose entire surface was by now completely covered, with not a centimeter to spare- yet nonetheless didn’t prevent RH from calling me another 9-10 items which he could see with his own eyes I couldn’t possibly fire, yet still earned me a withering comment referring to my clumsy ineptitude, or something of that nature.. and a dirty look, too!

A few seconds later, 3 Italian guys who looked like they just rolled out of their Villa in Sicily, burst into the kitchen :
“Who made that risotto?!” they demanded, looking around aggressively.

Sicilian Villa

RH turned and fixed them with a scowl frightening enough to turn your blood to ice- and sad “That guy”- pointing to Manny, who at this point was 12 saute pans deep in the middle of a typically colossal fire of orders-

What happened next was a shock, I’ll tell you-
That was 17 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday!
These 3 Italians jumped behind the line, grabbed Manny, and one after the other, kissed him on both cheeks- shouting that they had made a bet that the only person who could have made that perfect risotto was an Italian- and that the waiter told them that not only was Manny NOT Italian- he was a Mayan Mexican Indian- and they had bet him 100$ each that he was lying-

After shaking his hand and giving Manny 100$ as well, they went out of the kitchen in search of the waiter, who had just made a hefty bonus for the evening.. and who Manny himself searched out after the shift to demand a 50% cut of the proceeds that the waiter had earned due to his risotto skills…!!
Well, anyway, as usual, I seem to have gotten distracted, but the point being, is up until last night as I said, Manny’s Risotto was the best I’ve ever had…

So enough of this talking.
Get your A** over to Il Pastaio this instant, and ask Tel-Aviv’s incarnation of Manny- (Moshe- who is chef Itzaac’s sous-chef, who I demanded to meet last night and basically did to him what those Italians did to Manny years ago-)
to make you a risotto- ANY damn type he decides to make-
Although I would highly recommend asking, or outright begging, if necessary, for that saffron and lemon risotto, which I will be dreaming of, with lust and desire in my heart, until next time I am there to eat it again!!!!!

http://www.ilpastaio.co.il/pasta_ita.html

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For anyone foolish enough to go looking for a good, authentic, Thai meal in TLV, I have one thing to say:
“It’ll end in tears”.
Unless, of course, you go to “Beit Thailandi” (or, in English, “Thai House”.)

The entrance to the Thai House

This place is not only an old and venerable TLV institution, more than 9 years old, but literally the ONLY place in Israel which serves  delicious, AUTHENTIC, and REAL Thai food-
NOT the usual hideous hybrid between Kosher Chinese, and  the dumbed-down,
Israeli-ized ,“Pad Thai/Chicken satay” crap sadly served to the unsuspecting public in almost every other place claiming to serve Thai food in Israel.
Watch out, along with your order of “pad Thai”, they might try to sell you a “Rolex” or a used car, too!!!

“Thai House”, although virtually unknown to the TLV Local Dining Public, hilariously enough, is nonetheless packed every single night with European, American, and Asian tourists and expatriates, and, of course every single TLV chef and cook on their night off.
Not to mention the Thai ambassador and diplomatic corps from all over the Far East.
I mean- you can forget about getting a table here without a reservation at least a night ahead.
But mention this place to most of your local Israeli friends who are not “Industry” , and be prepared for a blank look, combined with a sound like, “Whaaaaa..???”

Now, let me warn you right off the bat- The service is horrible.
Bored, distracted, 20-something year olds will come with glazed eyes to your table and recite with all the interest of a donkey affected with ADHD, the party line, as related to spiciness, ingredients, etc.
If you interrupt her hypnotized monologue to say that you would actually like to have the food made as spicy as the cooks themselves eat, she may shake her head as if waving away mosquitoes, and repeat “ummm…but it’s spicy”

Very hot chilies!!!

Ahh.... lunch!!!

(this is my only complaint- even dishes listed as “spicy” are in fact, tame as a pampered housecat, and no pleading, threatening, or demanding for extra heat will get you anywhere- the only way is to keep ordering more and more extra fresh chilies on the side until they finally get the point..)

An ancient cat God at the Temple of the dawn

Some pampered market pets

But I digress.

Since when do I give a Monkey’s Uncle about bad service in TLV??!!
That goes without saying!! And I really couldn’t care less about the service when the food is as good as it is here!

Perfect Tom Yam- exactly sour and complex, served correctly with real Thai sticky rice…
Yum Neua- a delicate, yet intense salad of raw beef with naam pla, mint leaves, fresh chilies, and shallots, is one of my favourite dishes, both to make, and to eat, and at Thai House, they make it perfectly- and with the thoughtful and necessary plate of cucumber and white cabbage chunks served on the side to act as a palate-cleanser to cool you down between bites of this deliciously aggressive taste explosion…

The Green Curry? Sublime.
Rich, decadent green curry made with (yeah, it’s true!) coconut milk which the Thai cooks prepare by hand, fresh, themselves. Not from tins. It’s damn hard work, and well worth it, believe me!!

Making fresh coconut milk

And, one of their touches which no one else in town can match, the addition of the irreplaceable tiny, “Pea” eggplant- bitter, astringent, and absolutely integral to the perfection of this dish- In Thai culinary language, these eggplants are considered a medicinal ingredient, and it is no mistake that they are added to this rich, heavy, dish.. these eggplants have an enzyme which breaks down fat and cholesterol, making it much easier for the body to metabolize the rich coconut milk based dishes that they are traditionally served with in Thailand.

Thai green curry

By the way- they grow these themselves, at their own farm! plus a lot more special, authentic Thai vegetables for their exclusive use in their dishes- including really esoteric things  like bak Pong and Pak-kana, both delicious and healthy Thai vegetables, which have no substitute-
You simply must taste them for yourself!!
These are grown for the special dishes which are written on a separate page and given to those who really want a true taste of Thailand unavailable anywhere else..

We ate a kilo each and it cost us $5

Farang!!!

Forget about the wine list- No wines really belong with Thai food anyway, and order a Thai beer. For dessert the tapioca with coconut milk is perfect.. not too sweet, not “updated”, etc.. EXACTLY as you would get it in BKK..

I spent 12 days in BKK (Bangkok) last year while shooting “Duet”, and I can tell you- I spent every spare minute I had, eating, drinking, and exploring this incredible city of dreams..

Yeah that's really me!!!

An excellent soup place (of course we forgot the name)

The herbs.. the markets.. the delicacy, intensity, the sensuality and aesthetic beauty of everything- from the fish and shrimps piled up in the markets, to the unimaginable beauty of the incredible flowers, in every corner shrine..

Wat Sutat Temple

filled with the heartbreakingly beautiful bunches of huge pink and white lotuses.. the exotic 3am flower market with it’s displays of mountains of orchids..mounds of jasmine buds, roses, neroli and lotus..dripping with dew and surrounded by food sellers offering everything from bags of salt-and- pepper quails,  fermented chiang-mai sausages, crispy coconut tuiles filled with salted shrimps and chili paste…

Food sellers at the Flower Market

I lost myself happily in Thailand, I wandered down alleys filled with ancient shops filled with gold- plated Buddhist offerings.. dusty lanterns..rolls of silk and priceless gold jewelry.. hundreds- years old Temples and shrines filled with exquisite art, peacefulness,  with the scent of incense wrapping you like a silken veil..

The breathtaking Wat Arun

Contrasted surreally with huge, glittering shopping malls filled with the latest luxury goods and top- flight electronic gear, designer and couture clothes, both real and counterfeit, and above all, the scent, the taste, the crackling sounds of swirling life and the electrical feeling of scent, taste, sensuality, and culinary delights, which filled my senses at every turn.

lotus lilies!!!

I felt strangely at home and at peace in Bangkok.
I could happily live there.

For now, until I go back, I go to eat at Beit Thailandi.

The delicacy, discipline, and passion of this noble cuisine is respectfully recreated here..
In the confident and professional hands of Yariv Malili and his wife, the Thai-born chef, Lek Sunan.. who make every attempt to bring some of the magical Kingdom of Thailand here to us in TLV…And for that, I am truly thankful!

Sawasdee Kah!

Thai House
בית תאילנדי
8 Bograshov St.
Tel-Aviv
Tel: (03) 517-8568

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“Il Pastaio”?? “what, is this some new place in town??”
This is what I hear every time I mention that I love this place.
The fact of the matter is, Il Pastaio has been open in TLV for more than 18 years- or, , similar to “Dog Years”, that means about 18,650 “TLV restaurant years”.

And in that time, it has managed to avoid falling into virtually every one of the stereotypical pitfalls of most of the other places in town- It isn’t owned by a huge group of  greedy and pompous investors, all of whom expect to take home 5-digit monthly salaries for doing nothing, while demanding their manager hire a chef to work 6 days a week for a global salary that their spoiled kids would laugh at if offered as their allowance, and closing the place after 2 years, amidst scandals and lawsuits.

It hasn’t been expensively decorated by some stuck-up interior designer who pays more attention while planning the space to the size of the sex/coke sniffing lounges (bathrooms) than to the size and comfort of the kitchen.

And most importantly of all, at Il Pastaio, they could care less about hiring some high-powered PR firm to pump the media full of overblown and inaccurate press releases, articles, and interviews ad nauseum, bringing in tons of people who don’t know or care if the food is actually good or not, as long as they can say they saw the chef on TV or read some ass-kissing article written by someone who was paid to sit there and write a glowing review.

No. Here you come because you want to EAT DELICIOUS FOOD.
Nothing more, nothing less!

Let’s speak frankly:
The place doesn’t have flattering lighting.
Normally this is something I am unforgiving about, being, ahem, of  “A Certain Age”.
But I suck it up, put on some extra make-up, and STFU about it here!
It has a few tattered posters of Italian Formula 1 racecar drivers adorning the walls, as decoration.
And if I am not mistaken, there may even be a vase of artificial flowers in the corner. Yikes!

Two of my BFF's who happen to also be frequent dining companions

However- what it lacks in atmosphere, it more than makes up for in the food.
They make perfect pastas, all by hand by the chef, Itzac, who is the son of the owner, who works in the front, along with his sister.

You won’t see him offering some “wasabi-flavoured pasta with Brazilian meatballs” or similar experimental silliness, complete with 4 different sauces in squirt-bottles splattered all over the rims of oversized square plates here!
No way!!! He is Old-School all the way!
Respect!!!
They also sell their superb fresh pastas by weight from the shop, if you feel like cooking at home..

on my way to Il Pastaio on my bike a while ago, I saw this beautiful work by my favourite street artist, “Klone Yourself”

My particular favourite pasta here is the Porcini raviolis- delicate, small, charmingly cut in the shape of an actual porcini mushroom, they are packed with intense, true porcini flavour. Every time I order these I feel like ordering another plate of them when I finish the first one! There are excellent gnocchi in real Italian Gorgonzola sauce (NOT cheap, Israeli “Rokfor” I might add!!) Delectable, Lasagne Bianca, perfectly made. Succulent Scalloppine of Veal with Porcini mushrooms, another one of my favourite dishes here. Also an excellent-quality rare entrecote steak, grilled and thinly sliced, on a bed of pristine, fresh arugula, it is light and clean. Too bad there’s no radicchio to be found in Israel!! But that’s not their fault!!The “Carciofi alla Giudia” (Jewish Artichokes- the classic Roman dish) are surprisingly made with delicately marinated artichoke hearts- different, and exquisite. I always eat 3 by myself. (What?! gluttonous you say??! Thank you!!)

Carciofi alla Giudia

Even the old standard Veal alla Milanese, which most people seem to think is just another word for “schnitzel” (it is NOT!) is precise, tender, juicy, and made with a thin slice of REAL veal, with the bone, lightly dredged in crumbs and pan-fried- NOT heavily breaded with a nasty, thick batter of flour, eggs, and breadcrumbs and deep-fried in soy oil, as you will find if you make the horrible mistake of ordering “Milanese” elsewhere.

As a matter of fact, I basically am going to go out on a limb here and say I would be damn surprised if no matter what you order here, won’t be delicious.

As for wine, the list isn’t worth mentioning, but who cares. I always order a few bottles of Orvieto Classico,

The breathtaking Medieval Italian city of Orvieto. I drank some wine here, I can tell you!!

and at less than 90 shekels a bottle, it’s light, crisp, refreshing and goes perfectly with the food here.
If you insist on being a snob, bring your own good bottle and pay the corkage.

As you all know, I adore Rome. In fact, it happens to be one of my favourite cities.
here is a great place I love, and you should try, when in Rome:
Hostaria Romana
Via del Boccaccio, 1, Rome, Italy
064745284

Rima eats fresh Porcini at Hostaria Romana, Rome

I can truly say that Il Pastaio, in both authenticity of food, family-run and warm, and with it’s absolutely non-TLV poseur-oriented atmosphere, I feel like I am sitting in Rome every time I go here, and you will too.

Two cooks on a break in Rome near Piazza Navona

Alon outside the Coliseum

I adore Italian food, and it is one of my most cherished foods to both cook, and eat.

It took me 10 minutes to get this shot

I guess conservatively, I have spent more than 20 years studying and cooking Italian food, from all areas of Italy, and it makes me damn mad to see some coffee-house cowboy with 2 years kitchen experience insulting this noble cuisine by serving up soggy, overcooked pastas swimming in bowls of hideous cream sauces, or plating up “gnocchi” that are so heavy, Tony Soprano could use them as weights when he sends someone who double-crossed him, to “Sleep with the Fishes”!

And it makes me even madder to see some “Top Chef” who, as accomplished as he may be in his own style of food, nonetheless has zero experience in Italian food, yet opens some flashy “Italian” place with his name splashed all over the press and with a line out the door- because  he apparently thinks, “How hard could it be to cook Italian food??” and his PR team will back him up- all the way to the bank- at the expense of the dining experience of the Israeli Public.

Jackass

But when you eat there, if you have actually ever eaten true Italian food, you realize, to your dismay, that you have just been, well, screwed yet again-
Compliments of the nepotistic and clique-ish Israeli PR machines and their fawning servants, the media.  I’m not naming names here, but I could!!!

Do yourself a favour and avoid the hype, the nonsense, the empty pretensions of unqualified charlatans,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8StG4fFWHqg

And more importantly, avoid the inevitably mediocre food to be found so often in so many other “Italian” places in TLV -
and go get a truly excellent Italian meal at Il Pastaio.
And don’t forget to tell those guys over there to get a plate of Jewish Artichokes ready for me! I’m on the way over!!

Il Pastaio
איל פסטיו
http://www.ilpastaio.co.il/
27 Eben Gvirol street
אבן גבירול 27
Tel: 5251166

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Sometimes, you just feel like Getting Away From It All-
And when that happens to me, and I can’t grab a last minute ticket out of here, I head for Yoezer.

Inside Yoezer

Yoezer, for me, is one of those rare spots which when I am sitting there, makes me feel like a million bucks.
The atmosphere of course, is amazing, in fact in my opinion, one of the most beautiful spots around-
In an ancient Arabic house with vaulted ceilings and almost French-Gothic style rustic interior, it will take your breath away.
But it is the absolutely Top-Grade French Wine List which no where else in town, oh let’s face it, in Israel, can come close to, as well as the European class service and food, which seals the deal for me.

Ok, listen- I’m not going to lie. This place is EXPENSIVE.
They don’t skimp on the butter or cream, either- which as you all know, I do not usually use much of myself- But so what!
You don’t come here everyday- it’s a place to come on special occasions, so don’t be cheap, and forget about the cholesterol too for a while!

Really, a few extra hours in the gym is a small price to pay for that DIVINE Heart of Entrecote, or the fresh Polenta with Poached Egg and Truffles!
Damn, that is TASTY!!

My personal favourite happens to be an absolutely decadent plate of “Carpaccio” (now listen- “Carpaccio” at Yoezer, does NOT mean a tiny plate of frozen, paper-thin, pounded to death slices of filet with a few sad arugula leaves on top, and a shaving of parmesan, if you are lucky- like most places!)
NO WAY! I do not exaggerate when I say, the Carpaccio here is in a League of It’s Own-

Rima and Friend

There must be about 250 grams of thick-sliced, aged raw beef filet, cracked pepper, and drenched in the very finest extra-virgin olive oil!! Hallelujah!
Shovel it up like a blood-crazed Viking with some of their perfect pain levain! Wash it down with a fine Bourgogne, like maybe a Gevrey Chambertin!
Oh Hell Yes!!!

Now, as I said before, Yoezer is definitely the place to go when you want to feel Spoiled and Important.
But it’s not all because of the food and the wines- Shaul Avron, the legendary owner or Yoezer, and the veritable “Godfather” of the Israeli Culinary Scene-
is what really makes this place Where It’s At, for me-

He presides at the bar, taking time to talk to all the heavy hitters from Industry, the wine biz, cooks, chefs, FOH guys, and Camp Followers of the restaurant biz- Handing out pithy comments, tales from a lifetime of fine food, wine, and travels, wine recommendations, and best of all-
Woe be to any challengers who dare try to Drink Him Under The Table!

Now, as everyone knows- Alon likes to drink wine, and he can drink A LOT of it- But Shaul separated the “Men from the Boys” a few months ago-
We were sitting at Yoezer, eating endless plates of food sent out by Shaul, and drinking endless bottles of wine, too!

Shaul and Alon drinking wine

Alon drinking Vermentino in Rome

I think I mentioned before, one of them happened to be a 2005 White Aligote Bourgogne, which tasted EXACTLY like a plate of fresh oysters-
I’ve never tasted anything even remotely similar! Exquisite!!
Anyway, to make a long story a bit shorter, Alon and I staggered out of there about 6pm, after sitting there since noon, and Alon claims he didn’t even remember the taxi ride home!!

And, Shaul was still sitting there, as crisp as a daisy when we left, sipping another glass of wine! Or was it a martini?! Well, I actually don’t remember!
What a legend!!

Shaul and friend in Omnivore

When ever he comes to Omnivore, he brings his own wine, because let’s face it, mine does not make the grade, sits at my bar, and I am honoured and happy to get any comments he might have about my food, I can tell you that from the heart!

As well as all the other desirable features I have just mentioned, Yoezer happened to have also redeemed my reputation with my Dad last year-
He was visiting, and I had been dragging him around all week in TLV from one dive to another, and let me tell you something- My Dad is not the type who “Gets” paper napkins.
Especially thin, crappy ones pulled out of a dispenser and printed with “B’Te’avon”. No. No. No.

Us in one of the dives of Tel Aviv with paper napkins, actually it's Gabes!

Anyway, finally I got smart, and brought him to Yoezer.
I swear he had tears of joy in his eyes when he sat down and picked up a huge, soft, pressed, linen napkin from the table!
And that was even before he had a few cocktails before dinner, and as he put it so succinctly:
“Finally, Rima, a place which pours a decent glass of Bourbon!”
Thanks for saving the day, Yoezer!!
As a matter of fact, I still have a pile of those very same napkins I borrowed from Shaul a while ago for Omnivore, and “forgot” to give back!

Now look- don’t come crying to me if your wallet feels a little lighter after dinner at Yoezer, and you feel a little heavier- just remember my Motto:
”Your Body is Not a Temple- it’s an Amusement Park!”

So Enjoy The Ride!!!!!

Yoezer Wine Bar
יועזר בר ייו
2 Yoezer Ish HaBira St, Jaffa (in the alley right across from the Clock Tower)
03 6839115

*here is a cool link which will allow you to see a “virtual tour” of the interior:
http://www.3disrael.com/telaviv/yoezer_bar_wine.cfm

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“Japanese food and TLV.”
Hmm. Something in this sentence seems wrong…
Well, until Yoshi (Yossi Holu) came along, that is.

Alon at YOSHI

I’m very sorry to say this, but the fact that there are “Sushi” bars on every block in TLV, does not mean for ONE SECOND that I would eat at these places-
In fact- I would not send my cats to eat there.

For example, here, for your amusement, is a badly-written, hilariously provincial, and embarrassingly ridiculous article about TLV being a “Mecca for Sushi”

http://www.ynet.co.il/english/articles/0,7340,L-3499855,00.html

And to this I have one thing to say: YOU RECKON???!!!!

i.e:
“Japanika”- comes to mind as a big offender-
A Kiosk in the middle of Rothschild Ave, serving frozen tuna sold as “Maguro”, Nasty, hard-packed makis made with refrigerated, soggy rice you could use as glue to hold together bricks, pre-cut vegetables prepped hours before service, shlepped down the street from the apartment serving as a prep kitchen by dejected “cooks” who are paid minimum wage to shovel up pre-made slop bad enough to induce someone who loves, respects, and understands real Japanese cuisine, and sushi, to commit Harakiri-

And worse yet, the !@#$%! place is packed every night!

And don’t think I am singling them out for abuse!
This is a very long list which I will devote another post to in future!

Anyway- The point being, many people here claim to love sushi, yet it is my sad belief that 99% of the people here have never actually really eaten real sushi, or Japanese food.
As well as the awful “Sushi Bars” in TLV, just look at all the Kosher catering offering “sushi” at every single Horrible Wedding… And this is what people think sushi is?! WTF?!!

If you are not in TLV and can’t go to Yoshi,
Here is the link to my favourite Sushi bar in NYC:

Blue Ribbon Sushi
119 Sullivan St
(between Prince St & Spring St)
New York, NY 10012
(212) 343-0404

Rima slices Lobster Maki at Omnivore

In fact, before Yoshi came along, the only place in Israel I would eat Sushi at, was at my house!

And I should note that I have spent 25 years studying Japanese philosophy and culture, and 19 years studying and practicing Japanese Cuisine!

Matcha Tea Rice Onigiri and Maguro at Omnivore

Hamachi and Asparagus Tempura at Omnivore

Sorry to get on a Rant, but Sushi is not something that a housewife, or even a cook or chef, can prepare after reading an online recipe, or watching some crappy tv show, or buying a book!!

In fact it makes me DAMN ANGRY to be at a shop and see someone come in, clutching a print-out from the internet, proclaiming to one and all, that she has decided to make sushi that evening, because, “How hard could it be- It’s just rice and raw fish!”
!@%$#@$!!!!!

Cutting Bluefin Tuna at Tokyo Fish Market

This is a lifelong discipline which requires YEARS of dedication and understanding of both culture and philosophy, not to mention all aspects of devotion to the subtleties of this noble cuisine!
There are guys in Japan who work for 7 years or more, just perfecting the artistry of correctly preparing Sushi Rice!

NOT as I might add, how things are here (with a very few exceptions
which I will discuss later) where a resentful foreign worker or 17 year old student before he leaves to the army, is preparing horrible vats of rice not fit for pig food, after about 2 hours instruction!!
And, the Citizens of TLV are eating it, and liking it! WTF?!

Now, back to what I was discussing before, which is YOSHI:
let’s face it: The location sucks.
The interior was not designed by some Muckety-Muck interior designer, for 2 million dollars (Thank God!)
It is extremely simple, to the point of being “un-designed”.
The waiters, who know the menu inside and out, and are pleasant, professional, and knowledgeable.
(This is in stark contrast to most of the “waiters” at most of Tel-Aviv’s other Sushi bars, where they are chosen only for their looks, and usually fancy themselves to be aspiring models, or moonlight as ‘selectors’ at the nightclubs on their days off!)

Unfortunately, they don't serve their sushi like this!

You won’t see “Brazilian-salsa-maki” or any other fusion crap on his menu!
And all these points make this place virtually invisible to the sushi-eaters of TLV!
So take my advice- if you want to avoid poseurs, and temples of hype devoted to the design of the furniture, and instead you just want to concentrate on Real Japanese food- come here!!!

At Yoshi, he has not only just perfect sushi but also authentic and unusual Japanese first courses, such as his Agedashi Dofu,
which is a paragon of delicacy-  the dashi with it’s subtle scent of the sea, from the kombu in the REAL dashi-
(the Japanese equivalent of basic chicken or beef stock-)
(And by REAL, I mean, none of the MSG- filled, instant dashi you can buy at the shops-)
Combined with the lightly smoked flavour of the freshly-shaved dried bonito flakes shivering on top of the lightly crispy rectangles of crispy tofu floating in that ethereal dashi-
And with the correct garnish of freshly-grated daikon radish adding astringency and contrast to this classic dish, Yossi (“Yoshi”)shows his confident and exquisite hand.

Similarly, he has REAL Japanese Hamachi Yellowtail Sashimi and Sushi-

Hamachi Sashimi

And I must say now- with truly perfect Sashimi and Sushi, just as important as the quality of the fish, is the manner that the fish is sliced, and the sharpness of the knives, the direction of the cut regarding the tendons of the fish, and of course the correct preparation of the rice- which prepared right, should maintain each separate grain in prefect individuality, and al-dente-
NOT a disgusting, squashed, mush!!!!!

Suminagashi Deba Sushi Knife

Yoshi does all this, and also keeps the respect for his ingredients by serving with the correct garnish of Tosaka-nori and julienne Daikon radish with his sashimi- And, correctly, the fish is NOT cut in paper-thin slices as if for carpaccio!
No way!! perfect, almost 1cm-thick slices of top-quality fish are what you will get when you order Sashimi here!!

His Maguro salad? SUBLIME!!!  Cubes of A-Grade maguro, cut a’ la minute, dressed lightly with a Japanese mustard (NOT wasabi!) sauce, with fresh wakame seaweed and edamame… oh man alive!!! “Oishii” !! (delicious)

Wendy Ding's lovely painting of a "Sushi-Girl" Oiishi!

And his “Spider-Roll”- a whole, tempura-fried soft-shell crab, rolled in a Maki with tobiko caviar! Heaven!!
I have been known to eat 2 of them by myself!!!

Spider Roll

As for sake, I recommend the “Nigori”- which is unfiltered sake with a white, milky texture and fragrance of fresh almonds and lychees.
Or the austere and refined “Jinjo”- the equivalent of a dry, crisp, Pinot Grigio or Fume Blanc.
Of course, these are served cold.

Nigori Unfiltered Sake

As I said before, and I will say it again:

If you want flashy interior, models as waiters, and cream-cheese and bacon makis,  or “Fusion” crap, etc-
Go elsewhere.

If you want the only truly authentic Japanese food in TLV- Go to Yoshi.

Arigato Gozymasu!!!

Rima, Shai, Alon at Omnivore

Yoshi:
76 Arlozorov, corner of Shlomo Ha’Melekh, Tel-Aviv
03- 522-5125

יושי- רחוב ארלוזרוב 76, פינת שלמה המלך, ת”א. 03-5225125.

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