This is just a “short” note to discuss a risotto I ate last night at Il Pastaio,
which for lack of a better word, was @#$% ing Transcendent! Ethereal! Sublime! Exquisite! Celestial!!

Il Pastaio

In any case, you get the point that it was delicious.
It was this:
Lemon and Saffron Risotto.
The Arborio rice was al-dente- perfectly so.
*Note to TLV “Chefs” – You DO NOT make risotto by putting rice and water into a pan, covering it, and walking away. Testo di Cazzo!!!!!
You must STAND THERE AND STIR IT, CONTINUALLY, THE ENTIRE TIME.
And PS. remember the Italian saying of how to make perfect risotto:

“Rice is born in water, and dies in wine”

This means, add wine to the rice in the pan first- before anything else!
Not water, or  the old Israeli favourite- powdered chicken soup concentrate.
I’ll give you guys this helpful tip free of charge!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arborio_rice

It was FLAT- which by the way, is EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be!
You aren’t supposed to be able to stack up risotto up in a tall pile!!
(i.e., unlike the SPACKLE which is passed off as risotto everywhere else in Tel-Aviv- soggy, mushy, filled with butter, cheap cheese, and believe it or not usually cream too, and so thick it can be and usually is, put into ring-molds and formed into solid, nasty, mountains- and usually served with some more crap piled on top of that, I might add!!)

It was filled with the delicate taste of both fresh lemons, and the ephemeral fragrance of a very special type of saffron.

Saffron Harvesting

Which comes from, well, let’s just say:
“A Nation with whom Israel does not have Diplomatic Ties with”.
It is the best saffron in the world, and if you happen to watch the Istanbul episode of my show, Duet, (here’s a promo clip from here. The clip is in Hebrew, sorry.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=142785493139&ref=mf

The show itself however is in English.
If you happen to live in Asia, Europe, Russia, or Israel, you can see it on tv.
If not, ask GRB media, which is the US distributor, to release it in the US. Thanks!!

There you will see me comment on finding some of it in the market there.
NO ONE here, other than me, uses this stuff, and instead uses the cheap,
C-grade Spanish saffron which has an unmistakably bitter aftertaste.

Did I mention the slight creaminess of EXACTLY the right amount of Parmigiano Reggiano?!

Parmigiano Reggiano

The colour of that heavenly saffron shining like the golden rays of a sunset in Paradise?!
The sighs of sensual delight as we all devoured every last grain of rice and then felt like picking up the plate and licking it?!

Well, in any case, the last time I had a risotto that perfect, it was made by the blessed hands of my legendary saute cook, “Manny”  (Manuel)-
A tiny, aggressive, Yucatan Mexican Mayan Indian, who happened as well as being one of the best line cooks I ever had the privilege of working with, was a true master of the art of making a perfect risotto, had a wicked and cynical sense of humour, and was also married to a 6- foot tall Irish redhead who loved to drink  and fight almost, well, ok, even more, than Manny himself.
What a Legend!

But I digress: the risotto, made by Manny, that had been burned into my memory as being the best I ever had, up until last night ,
(And p.s. this includes the dozens I have eaten all over Italy)
happened to have been a wild mushroom risotto, made with a mix of pristine wild chanterelles,  lobster mushrooms, and porcinis, from the forests of California, and hand-delivered by a bear of a guy who looked like he himself lived in a hollow log in the same forest his precious mushrooms were collected in!!)

Wild Mushrooms

Manny, “En Camote” (deep in the S**T ) of a particularly vicious service which included, among other things, tickets rumbling out of the printer like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, RH half-drunk on a bottle of red wine hidden indiscreetly behind the waiter’s buzzer, yet nonetheless expediting perfectly the seething mass of aggression, stress, and fiery madness that was an  Enrico’s Friday night dinner rush-

And in the middle of this mayhem, Manny passed down the line to me, as I was working my usual station on the grill, directly in the malevolent, tractor-beam like glare of RH, the leftover remains from a pan of that mythological risotto.
I stuck a spoonful of it in my mouth, in between throwing on the grill a frightening number of duck breasts, tuna steaks, boneless quail, and god knows what else the Evil Expeditor had mercilessly called to me all at once..
And I tell you when that risotto hit my tongue I heard a heavenly chorus of Angels singing!

The singing Angel actually didn't look like this. but this picture is more interesting

About 20 minutes later, a waiter comes running in, risking the Wrath of RH by showing his face in the kitchen without being buzzed- warning us that a table of Italians were on their way to the kitchen and they wanted to speak to the chef about the risotto they had just eaten.

“WTF?!” I remember thinking, “what in the name of Batman’s Mother does anyone have to say about the risotto?! It was perfect!”
I turned my attention back to the grill, whose entire surface was by now completely covered, with not a centimeter to spare- yet nonetheless didn’t prevent RH from calling me another 9-10 items which he could see with his own eyes I couldn’t possibly fire, yet still earned me a withering comment referring to my clumsy ineptitude, or something of that nature.. and a dirty look, too!

A few seconds later, 3 Italian guys who looked like they just rolled out of their Villa in Sicily, burst into the kitchen :
“Who made that risotto?!” they demanded, looking around aggressively.

Sicilian Villa

RH turned and fixed them with a scowl frightening enough to turn your blood to ice- and sad “That guy”- pointing to Manny, who at this point was 12 saute pans deep in the middle of a typically colossal fire of orders-

What happened next was a shock, I’ll tell you-
That was 17 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday!
These 3 Italians jumped behind the line, grabbed Manny, and one after the other, kissed him on both cheeks- shouting that they had made a bet that the only person who could have made that perfect risotto was an Italian- and that the waiter told them that not only was Manny NOT Italian- he was a Mayan Mexican Indian- and they had bet him 100$ each that he was lying-

After shaking his hand and giving Manny 100$ as well, they went out of the kitchen in search of the waiter, who had just made a hefty bonus for the evening.. and who Manny himself searched out after the shift to demand a 50% cut of the proceeds that the waiter had earned due to his risotto skills…!!
Well, anyway, as usual, I seem to have gotten distracted, but the point being, is up until last night as I said, Manny’s Risotto was the best I’ve ever had…

So enough of this talking.
Get your A** over to Il Pastaio this instant, and ask Tel-Aviv’s incarnation of Manny- (Moshe- who is chef Itzaac’s sous-chef, who I demanded to meet last night and basically did to him what those Italians did to Manny years ago-)
to make you a risotto- ANY damn type he decides to make-
Although I would highly recommend asking, or outright begging, if necessary, for that saffron and lemon risotto, which I will be dreaming of, with lust and desire in my heart, until next time I am there to eat it again!!!!!

http://www.ilpastaio.co.il/pasta_ita.html

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For anyone foolish enough to go looking for a good, authentic, Thai meal in TLV, I have one thing to say:
“It’ll end in tears”.
Unless, of course, you go to “Beit Thailandi” (or, in English, “Thai House”.) 

The entrance to the Thai House

This place is not only an old and venerable TLV institution, more than 9 years old, but literally the ONLY place in Israel which serves  delicious, AUTHENTIC, and REAL Thai food-
NOT the usual hideous hybrid between Kosher Chinese, and  the dumbed-down,
Israeli-ized ,“Pad Thai/Chicken satay” crap sadly served to the unsuspecting public in almost every other place claiming to serve Thai food in Israel. 
Watch out, along with your order of “pad Thai”, they might try to sell you a “Rolex” or a used car, too!!! 

“Thai House”, although virtually unknown to the TLV Local Dining Public, hilariously enough, is nonetheless packed every single night with European, American, and Asian tourists and expatriates, and, of course every single TLV chef and cook on their night off. 
Not to mention the Thai ambassador and diplomatic corps from all over the Far East.
I mean- you can forget about getting a table here without a reservation at least a night ahead.
But mention this place to most of your local Israeli friends who are not “Industry” , and be prepared for a blank look, combined with a sound like, “Whaaaaa..???” 

Now, let me warn you right off the bat- The service is horrible.
Bored, distracted, 20-something year olds will come with glazed eyes to your table and recite with all the interest of a donkey affected with ADHD, the party line, as related to spiciness, ingredients, etc.
If you interrupt her hypnotized monologue to say that you would actually like to have the food made as spicy as the cooks themselves eat, she may shake her head as if waving away mosquitoes, and repeat “ummm…but it’s spicy”  

Very hot chilies!!!

Ahh.... lunch!!!

(this is my only complaint- even dishes listed as “spicy” are in fact, tame as a pampered housecat, and no pleading, threatening, or demanding for extra heat will get you anywhere- the only way is to keep ordering more and more extra fresh chilies on the side until they finally get the point..) 

An ancient cat God at the Temple of the dawn

Some pampered market pets

But I digress. 

Since when do I give a Monkey’s Uncle about bad service in TLV??!!
That goes without saying!! And I really couldn’t care less about the service when the food is as good as it is here! 

Perfect Tom Yam- exactly sour and complex, served correctly with real Thai sticky rice…
Yum Neua- a delicate, yet intense salad of raw beef with naam pla, mint leaves, fresh chilies, and shallots, is one of my favourite dishes, both to make, and to eat, and at Thai House, they make it perfectly- and with the thoughtful and necessary plate of cucumber and white cabbage chunks served on the side to act as a palate-cleanser to cool you down between bites of this deliciously aggressive taste explosion… 

The Green Curry? Sublime.
Rich, decadent green curry made with (yeah, it’s true!) coconut milk which the Thai cooks prepare by hand, fresh, themselves. Not from tins. It’s damn hard work, and well worth it, believe me!! 

Making fresh coconut milk

 And, one of their touches which no one else in town can match, the addition of the irreplaceable tiny, “Pea” eggplant- bitter, astringent, and absolutely integral to the perfection of this dish- In Thai culinary language, these eggplants are considered a medicinal ingredient, and it is no mistake that they are added to this rich, heavy, dish.. these eggplants have an enzyme which breaks down fat and cholesterol, making it much easier for the body to metabolize the rich coconut milk based dishes that they are traditionally served with in Thailand.

Thai green curry

By the way- they grow these themselves, at their own farm! plus a lot more special, authentic Thai vegetables for their exclusive use in their dishes- including really esoteric things  like bak Pong and Pak-kana, both delicious and healthy Thai vegetables, which have no substitute-
You simply must taste them for yourself!! 
These are grown for the special dishes which are written on a separate page and given to those who really want a true taste of Thailand unavailable anywhere else.. 

We ate a kilo each and it cost us $5

Farang!!!

Forget about the wine list- No wines really belong with Thai food anyway, and order a Thai beer. For dessert the tapioca with coconut milk is perfect.. not too sweet, not “updated”, etc.. EXACTLY as you would get it in BKK.. 

I spent 12 days in BKK (Bangkok) last year while shooting “Duet”, and I can tell you- I spent every spare minute I had, eating, drinking, and exploring this incredible city of dreams.. 

Yeah that's really me!!!

An excellent soup place (of course we forgot the name)

The herbs.. the markets.. the delicacy, intensity, the sensuality and aesthetic beauty of everything- from the fish and shrimps piled up in the markets, to the unimaginable beauty of the incredible flowers, in every corner shrine.. 

Wat Sutat Temple

filled with the heartbreakingly beautiful bunches of huge pink and white lotuses.. the exotic 3am flower market with it’s displays of mountains of orchids..mounds of jasmine buds, roses, neroli and lotus..dripping with dew and surrounded by food sellers offering everything from bags of salt-and- pepper quails,  fermented chiang-mai sausages, crispy coconut tuiles filled with salted shrimps and chili paste… 

Food sellers at the Flower Market

I lost myself happily in Thailand, I wandered down alleys filled with ancient shops filled with gold- plated Buddhist offerings.. dusty lanterns..rolls of silk and priceless gold jewelry.. hundreds- years old Temples and shrines filled with exquisite art, peacefulness,  with the scent of incense wrapping you like a silken veil.. 

The breathtaking Wat Arun

Contrasted surreally with huge, glittering shopping malls filled with the latest luxury goods and top- flight electronic gear, designer and couture clothes, both real and counterfeit, and above all, the scent, the taste, the crackling sounds of swirling life and the electrical feeling of scent, taste, sensuality, and culinary delights, which filled my senses at every turn. 

lotus lilies!!!

I felt strangely at home and at peace in Bangkok.
I could happily live there. 

For now, until I go back, I go to eat at Beit Thailandi. 

The delicacy, discipline, and passion of this noble cuisine is respectfully recreated here.. 
In the confident and professional hands of Yariv Malili and his wife, the Thai-born chef, Lek Sunan.. who make every attempt to bring some of the magical Kingdom of Thailand here to us in TLV…And for that, I am truly thankful! 

Sawasdee Kah! 

Thai House
בית תאילנדי
8 Bograshov St.
Tel-Aviv
Tel: (03) 517-8568

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“Il Pastaio”?? “what, is this some new place in town??”
This is what I hear every time I mention that I love this place.
The fact of the matter is, Il Pastaio has been open in TLV for more than 18 years- or, , similar to “Dog Years”, that means about 18,650 “TLV restaurant years”.

And in that time, it has managed to avoid falling into virtually every one of the stereotypical pitfalls of most of the other places in town- It isn’t owned by a huge group of  greedy and pompous investors, all of whom expect to take home 5-digit monthly salaries for doing nothing, while demanding their manager hire a chef to work 6 days a week for a global salary that their spoiled kids would laugh at if offered as their allowance, and closing the place after 2 years, amidst scandals and lawsuits.

It hasn’t been expensively decorated by some stuck-up interior designer who pays more attention while planning the space to the size of the sex/coke sniffing lounges (bathrooms) than to the size and comfort of the kitchen.

And most importantly of all, at Il Pastaio, they could care less about hiring some high-powered PR firm to pump the media full of overblown and inaccurate press releases, articles, and interviews ad nauseum, bringing in tons of people who don’t know or care if the food is actually good or not, as long as they can say they saw the chef on TV or read some ass-kissing article written by someone who was paid to sit there and write a glowing review.

No. Here you come because you want to EAT DELICIOUS FOOD.
Nothing more, nothing less!

Let’s speak frankly:
The place doesn’t have flattering lighting.
Normally this is something I am unforgiving about, being, ahem, of  “A Certain Age”.
But I suck it up, put on some extra make-up, and STFU about it here!
It has a few tattered posters of Italian Formula 1 racecar drivers adorning the walls, as decoration.
And if I am not mistaken, there may even be a vase of artificial flowers in the corner. Yikes!

Two of my BFF's who happen to also be frequent dining companions

However- what it lacks in atmosphere, it more than makes up for in the food.
They make perfect pastas, all by hand by the chef, Itzac, who is the son of the owner, who works in the front, along with his sister.

You won’t see him offering some “wasabi-flavoured pasta with Brazilian meatballs” or similar experimental silliness, complete with 4 different sauces in squirt-bottles splattered all over the rims of oversized square plates here!
No way!!! He is Old-School all the way!
Respect!!!
They also sell their superb fresh pastas by weight from the shop, if you feel like cooking at home..

on my way to Il Pastaio on my bike a while ago, I saw this beautiful work by my favourite street artist, “Klone Yourself”

My particular favourite pasta here is the Porcini raviolis- delicate, small, charmingly cut in the shape of an actual porcini mushroom, they are packed with intense, true porcini flavour. Every time I order these I feel like ordering another plate of them when I finish the first one! There are excellent gnocchi in real Italian Gorgonzola sauce (NOT cheap, Israeli “Rokfor” I might add!!) Delectable, Lasagne Bianca, perfectly made. Succulent Scalloppine of Veal with Porcini mushrooms, another one of my favourite dishes here. Also an excellent-quality rare entrecote steak, grilled and thinly sliced, on a bed of pristine, fresh arugula, it is light and clean. Too bad there’s no radicchio to be found in Israel!! But that’s not their fault!!The “Carciofi alla Giudia” (Jewish Artichokes- the classic Roman dish) are surprisingly made with delicately marinated artichoke hearts- different, and exquisite. I always eat 3 by myself. (What?! gluttonous you say??! Thank you!!)

Carciofi alla Giudia

Even the old standard Veal alla Milanese, which most people seem to think is just another word for “schnitzel” (it is NOT!) is precise, tender, juicy, and made with a thin slice of REAL veal, with the bone, lightly dredged in crumbs and pan-fried- NOT heavily breaded with a nasty, thick batter of flour, eggs, and breadcrumbs and deep-fried in soy oil, as you will find if you make the horrible mistake of ordering “Milanese” elsewhere.

As a matter of fact, I basically am going to go out on a limb here and say I would be damn surprised if no matter what you order here, won’t be delicious.

As for wine, the list isn’t worth mentioning, but who cares. I always order a few bottles of Orvieto Classico,

The breathtaking Medieval Italian city of Orvieto. I drank some wine here, I can tell you!!

and at less than 90 shekels a bottle, it’s light, crisp, refreshing and goes perfectly with the food here.
If you insist on being a snob, bring your own good bottle and pay the corkage.

As you all know, I adore Rome. In fact, it happens to be one of my favourite cities.
here is a great place I love, and you should try, when in Rome:
Hostaria Romana
Via del Boccaccio, 1, Rome, Italy
064745284

Rima eats fresh Porcini at Hostaria Romana, Rome

I can truly say that Il Pastaio, in both authenticity of food, family-run and warm, and with it’s absolutely non-TLV poseur-oriented atmosphere, I feel like I am sitting in Rome every time I go here, and you will too.

Two cooks on a break in Rome near Piazza Navona

Alon outside the Coliseum

I adore Italian food, and it is one of my most cherished foods to both cook, and eat.

It took me 10 minutes to get this shot

I guess conservatively, I have spent more than 20 years studying and cooking Italian food, from all areas of Italy, and it makes me damn mad to see some coffee-house cowboy with 2 years kitchen experience insulting this noble cuisine by serving up soggy, overcooked pastas swimming in bowls of hideous cream sauces, or plating up “gnocchi” that are so heavy, Tony Soprano could use them as weights when he sends someone who double-crossed him, to “Sleep with the Fishes”!

And it makes me even madder to see some “Top Chef” who, as accomplished as he may be in his own style of food, nonetheless has zero experience in Italian food, yet opens some flashy “Italian” place with his name splashed all over the press and with a line out the door- because  he apparently thinks, “How hard could it be to cook Italian food??” and his PR team will back him up- all the way to the bank- at the expense of the dining experience of the Israeli Public.

Jackass

But when you eat there, if you have actually ever eaten true Italian food, you realize, to your dismay, that you have just been, well, screwed yet again-
Compliments of the nepotistic and clique-ish Israeli PR machines and their fawning servants, the media.  I’m not naming names here, but I could!!!

Do yourself a favour and avoid the hype, the nonsense, the empty pretensions of unqualified charlatans,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8StG4fFWHqg

And more importantly, avoid the inevitably mediocre food to be found so often in so many other “Italian” places in TLV -
and go get a truly excellent Italian meal at Il Pastaio.
And don’t forget to tell those guys over there to get a plate of Jewish Artichokes ready for me! I’m on the way over!!

Il Pastaio
איל פסטיו
http://www.ilpastaio.co.il/
27 Eben Gvirol street
אבן גבירול 27
Tel: 5251166

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Sometimes, you just feel like Getting Away From It All-
And when that happens to me, and I can’t grab a last minute ticket out of here, I head for Yoezer.

Inside Yoezer

Yoezer, for me, is one of those rare spots which when I am sitting there, makes me feel like a million bucks.
The atmosphere of course, is amazing, in fact in my opinion, one of the most beautiful spots around-
In an ancient Arabic house with vaulted ceilings and almost French-Gothic style rustic interior, it will take your breath away.
But it is the absolutely Top-Grade French Wine List which no where else in town, oh let’s face it, in Israel, can come close to, as well as the European class service and food, which seals the deal for me.

Ok, listen- I’m not going to lie. This place is EXPENSIVE.
They don’t skimp on the butter or cream, either- which as you all know, I do not usually use much of myself- But so what!
You don’t come here everyday- it’s a place to come on special occasions, so don’t be cheap, and forget about the cholesterol too for a while!

Really, a few extra hours in the gym is a small price to pay for that DIVINE Heart of Entrecote, or the fresh Polenta with Poached Egg and Truffles!
Damn, that is TASTY!!

My personal favourite happens to be an absolutely decadent plate of “Carpaccio” (now listen- “Carpaccio” at Yoezer, does NOT mean a tiny plate of frozen, paper-thin, pounded to death slices of filet with a few sad arugula leaves on top, and a shaving of parmesan, if you are lucky- like most places!)
NO WAY! I do not exaggerate when I say, the Carpaccio here is in a League of It’s Own-

Rima and Friend

There must be about 250 grams of thick-sliced, aged raw beef filet, cracked pepper, and drenched in the very finest extra-virgin olive oil!! Hallelujah!
Shovel it up like a blood-crazed Viking with some of their perfect pain levain! Wash it down with a fine Bourgogne, like maybe a Gevrey Chambertin!
Oh Hell Yes!!!

Now, as I said before, Yoezer is definitely the place to go when you want to feel Spoiled and Important.
But it’s not all because of the food and the wines- Shaul Avron, the legendary owner or Yoezer, and the veritable “Godfather” of the Israeli Culinary Scene-
is what really makes this place Where It’s At, for me-

He presides at the bar, taking time to talk to all the heavy hitters from Industry, the wine biz, cooks, chefs, FOH guys, and Camp Followers of the restaurant biz- Handing out pithy comments, tales from a lifetime of fine food, wine, and travels, wine recommendations, and best of all-
Woe be to any challengers who dare try to Drink Him Under The Table!

Now, as everyone knows- Alon likes to drink wine, and he can drink A LOT of it- But Shaul separated the “Men from the Boys” a few months ago-
We were sitting at Yoezer, eating endless plates of food sent out by Shaul, and drinking endless bottles of wine, too!

Shaul and Alon drinking wine

Alon drinking Vermentino in Rome

I think I mentioned before, one of them happened to be a 2005 White Aligote Bourgogne, which tasted EXACTLY like a plate of fresh oysters-
I’ve never tasted anything even remotely similar! Exquisite!!
Anyway, to make a long story a bit shorter, Alon and I staggered out of there about 6pm, after sitting there since noon, and Alon claims he didn’t even remember the taxi ride home!!

And, Shaul was still sitting there, as crisp as a daisy when we left, sipping another glass of wine! Or was it a martini?! Well, I actually don’t remember!
What a legend!!

Shaul and friend in Omnivore

When ever he comes to Omnivore, he brings his own wine, because let’s face it, mine does not make the grade, sits at my bar, and I am honoured and happy to get any comments he might have about my food, I can tell you that from the heart!

As well as all the other desirable features I have just mentioned, Yoezer happened to have also redeemed my reputation with my Dad last year-
He was visiting, and I had been dragging him around all week in TLV from one dive to another, and let me tell you something- My Dad is not the type who “Gets” paper napkins.
Especially thin, crappy ones pulled out of a dispenser and printed with “B’Te’avon”. No. No. No.

Us in one of the dives of Tel Aviv with paper napkins, actually it's Gabes!

Anyway, finally I got smart, and brought him to Yoezer.
I swear he had tears of joy in his eyes when he sat down and picked up a huge, soft, pressed, linen napkin from the table!
And that was even before he had a few cocktails before dinner, and as he put it so succinctly:
“Finally, Rima, a place which pours a decent glass of Bourbon!”
Thanks for saving the day, Yoezer!!
As a matter of fact, I still have a pile of those very same napkins I borrowed from Shaul a while ago for Omnivore, and “forgot” to give back!

Now look- don’t come crying to me if your wallet feels a little lighter after dinner at Yoezer, and you feel a little heavier- just remember my Motto:
”Your Body is Not a Temple- it’s an Amusement Park!”

So Enjoy The Ride!!!!!

Yoezer Wine Bar
יועזר בר ייו
2 Yoezer Ish HaBira St, Jaffa (in the alley right across from the Clock Tower)
03 6839115

*here is a cool link which will allow you to see a “virtual tour” of the interior:
http://www.3disrael.com/telaviv/yoezer_bar_wine.cfm

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“Japanese food and TLV.” 
Hmm. Something in this sentence seems wrong…
Well, until Yoshi (Yossi Holu) came along, that is.

Alon at YOSHI

I’m very sorry to say this, but the fact that there are “Sushi” bars on every block in TLV, does not mean for ONE SECOND that I would eat at these places-
In fact- I would not send my cats to eat there.

For example, here, for your amusement, is a badly-written, hilariously provincial, and embarrassingly ridiculous article about TLV being a “Mecca for Sushi”

http://www.ynet.co.il/english/articles/0,7340,L-3499855,00.html

And to this I have one thing to say: YOU RECKON???!!!!

i.e:
“Japanika”- comes to mind as a big offender-
A Kiosk in the middle of Rothschild Ave, serving frozen tuna sold as “Maguro”, Nasty, hard-packed makis made with refrigerated, soggy rice you could use as glue to hold together bricks, pre-cut vegetables prepped hours before service, shlepped down the street from the apartment serving as a prep kitchen by dejected “cooks” who are paid minimum wage to shovel up pre-made slop bad enough to induce someone who loves, respects, and understands real Japanese cuisine, and sushi, to commit Harakiri-

And worse yet, the !@#$%! place is packed every night!

And don’t think I am singling them out for abuse!
This is a very long list which I will devote another post to in future!

Anyway- The point being, many people here claim to love sushi, yet it is my sad belief that 99% of the people here have never actually really eaten real sushi, or Japanese food.
As well as the awful “Sushi Bars” in TLV, just look at all the Kosher catering offering “sushi” at every single Horrible Wedding… And this is what people think sushi is?! WTF?!!

If you are not in TLV and can’t go to Yoshi,
Here is the link to my favourite Sushi bar in NYC:

Blue Ribbon Sushi
119 Sullivan St
(between Prince St & Spring St)
New York, NY 10012
(212) 343-0404

Rima slices Lobster Maki at Omnivore

In fact, before Yoshi came along, the only place in Israel I would eat Sushi at, was at my house!

And I should note that I have spent 25 years studying Japanese philosophy and culture, and 19 years studying and practicing Japanese Cuisine!

Matcha Tea Rice Onigiri and Maguro at Omnivore

Hamachi and Asparagus Tempura at Omnivore

Sorry to get on a Rant, but Sushi is not something that a housewife, or even a cook or chef, can prepare after reading an online recipe, or watching some crappy tv show, or buying a book!!

In fact it makes me DAMN ANGRY to be at a shop and see someone come in, clutching a print-out from the internet, proclaiming to one and all, that she has decided to make sushi that evening, because, “How hard could it be- It’s just rice and raw fish!”
!@%$#@$!!!!!

Cutting Bluefin Tuna at Tokyo Fish Market

This is a lifelong discipline which requires YEARS of dedication and understanding of both culture and philosophy, not to mention all aspects of devotion to the subtleties of this noble cuisine!
There are guys in Japan who work for 7 years or more, just perfecting the artistry of correctly preparing Sushi Rice!

NOT as I might add, how things are here (with a very few exceptions
which I will discuss later) where a resentful foreign worker or 17 year old student before he leaves to the army, is preparing horrible vats of rice not fit for pig food, after about 2 hours instruction!!
And, the Citizens of TLV are eating it, and liking it! WTF?!

Now, back to what I was discussing before, which is YOSHI:
let’s face it: The location sucks.
The interior was not designed by some Muckety-Muck interior designer, for 2 million dollars (Thank God!)
It is extremely simple, to the point of being “un-designed”.
The waiters, who know the menu inside and out, and are pleasant, professional, and knowledgeable.
(This is in stark contrast to most of the “waiters” at most of Tel-Aviv’s other Sushi bars, where they are chosen only for their looks, and usually fancy themselves to be aspiring models, or moonlight as ‘selectors’ at the nightclubs on their days off!)

Unfortunately, they don't serve their sushi like this!

You won’t see “Brazilian-salsa-maki” or any other fusion crap on his menu!
And all these points make this place virtually invisible to the sushi-eaters of TLV!
So take my advice- if you want to avoid poseurs, and temples of hype devoted to the design of the furniture, and instead you just want to concentrate on Real Japanese food- come here!!!

At Yoshi, he has not only just perfect sushi but also authentic and unusual Japanese first courses, such as his Agedashi Dofu,
which is a paragon of delicacy-  the dashi with it’s subtle scent of the sea, from the kombu in the REAL dashi-
(the Japanese equivalent of basic chicken or beef stock-)
(And by REAL, I mean, none of the MSG- filled, instant dashi you can buy at the shops-) 
Combined with the lightly smoked flavour of the freshly-shaved dried bonito flakes shivering on top of the lightly crispy rectangles of crispy tofu floating in that ethereal dashi-
And with the correct garnish of freshly-grated daikon radish adding astringency and contrast to this classic dish, Yossi (“Yoshi”)shows his confident and exquisite hand.

Similarly, he has REAL Japanese Hamachi Yellowtail Sashimi and Sushi-

Hamachi Sashimi

And I must say now- with truly perfect Sashimi and Sushi, just as important as the quality of the fish, is the manner that the fish is sliced, and the sharpness of the knives, the direction of the cut regarding the tendons of the fish, and of course the correct preparation of the rice- which prepared right, should maintain each separate grain in prefect individuality, and al-dente-
NOT a disgusting, squashed, mush!!!!!

Suminagashi Deba Sushi Knife

Yoshi does all this, and also keeps the respect for his ingredients by serving with the correct garnish of Tosaka-nori and julienne Daikon radish with his sashimi- And, correctly, the fish is NOT cut in paper-thin slices as if for carpaccio!
No way!! perfect, almost 1cm-thick slices of top-quality fish are what you will get when you order Sashimi here!!

His Maguro salad? SUBLIME!!!  Cubes of A-Grade maguro, cut a’ la minute, dressed lightly with a Japanese mustard (NOT wasabi!) sauce, with fresh wakame seaweed and edamame… oh man alive!!! “Oishii” !! (delicious)

Wendy Ding's lovely painting of a "Sushi-Girl" Oiishi!

And his “Spider-Roll”- a whole, tempura-fried soft-shell crab, rolled in a Maki with tobiko caviar! Heaven!!
I have been known to eat 2 of them by myself!!!

Spider Roll

As for sake, I recommend the “Nigori”- which is unfiltered sake with a white, milky texture and fragrance of fresh almonds and lychees.
Or the austere and refined “Jinjo”- the equivalent of a dry, crisp, Pinot Grigio or Fume Blanc.
Of course, these are served cold.

Nigori Unfiltered Sake

As I said before, and I will say it again:

If you want flashy interior, models as waiters, and cream-cheese and bacon makis,  or “Fusion” crap, etc-
Go elsewhere.

If you want the only truly authentic Japanese food in TLV- Go to Yoshi.

Arigato Gozymasu!!!

Rima, Shai, Alon at Omnivore

Yoshi:
76 Arlozorov, corner of Shlomo Ha’Melekh, Tel-Aviv
03- 522-5125

יושי- רחוב ארלוזרוב 76, פינת שלמה המלך, ת”א. 03-5225125.

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*NOTE*     This post will be in 5 installments!

“Oh, you’re a Chef! In Tel-Aviv! Great! Can you please recommend to us your favourite places? We heard a lot about XXXX  and XXXX”……blah blah blah

This is my sad fate upon people learning of my occupation.
Now at the risk of sounding like a Snob, a Misanthrope, or a Jerk- I must be honest.
There are only 5 places in TLV where I will throw down my hard-earned money to eat dinner at, and not have the feeling afterwards as if someone has just jacked me for my wallet, keys, Nike trainers, and self-respect, or in more frank terminology, “left 100 dollars on the dresser”.

Here they are:

1. Picola Pasta:
First of all, Yoav, the Chef and owner, is what I like to call an Alpha Personality- Charming, hilarious, witty, and more importantly, supremely passionate about food and incredibly knowledgeable about Italian wines and Grappas (of which he possesses the absolute finest selection in Israel)

His restaurant used to be across the street from where it is now, a tiny place consisting of 4 tables and 3 more outside in summer months, and Yoav alone in the kitchen, and his nephew Aviv waiting tables, now it is a slightly larger 6 tables, plus the wine bar upstairs- And losing nothing of the intimate and secretive environment  of the original. 
He opened in 2000, the year I made Aliyah, and after discovering it, it became the place where if it was my birthday, a happy occasion, or a romantic date with Alon, my first choice to go to.

Why? Not necessarily because of the food only- which is simple, rustic, pastas- No handmade pastas, no meat, no fancy nonsense- De Cecco pasta, with a variety of sauces (my favourite being anchovies and mushrooms- and which I always specify extra anchovies, and a half lemon on the side.)
My only complaint is I wish he would include some freshly chopped flatleaf parsley which would elevate and clean up the intense flavour of the dish perfectly.
But nevermind!!! I adore this place, and on top of that, his pizzas are sublime!! THIN crust- in fact, it would even pass my old boss’ test!
i.e, If a piece of pizza flopped over at the end, due to a too-thick or soggy crust or too heavy ingredient load- Straight into the bin!!!
Also, his Panna Cotta is seriously the best in TLV, and in fact word-class-
None of that huge, jello-like, wobbly crap seen all over town which if thrown on the floor would bounce like a superball!
No!!  this Panna Cotta (“Cooked Cream” in Italian) is delicate- barely set- gently perfumed with pure vanilla seeds and an espresso bean! Not too sweet! not too big! elegant!
And perfect with one of the rare and exquisite Grappas that Yoav travels all over Italy to find and bring back!

More importantly, the secret, hidden, wine and Grappa bar upstairs makes you feel as if you were in London, Rome, SF, or NYC-
Tiny, cool, quiet, tasteful- and with an unbelievable Italian wine list, and Yoav (after he finishes work in the kitchen downstairs) to come up, recommend wines, tell absolutely un-PC jokes and travel stories, meet an incredible mix of people from Swedish diplomats, Italian tourists, to Israeli TV personalities- and feel like you are in another world!!! I buy all of Alon’s birthday presents here, by the way- the last being a 1965 Barolo!!!!
In short- two thumbs up, way up.
For the overall experience and gracious yet unpretentious atmosphere which is so rare in TLV.
Piccola Pasta: 53 Ben Yehuda Street, Tel Aviv. 03 529 0643.

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