This is just a “short” note to discuss a risotto I ate last night at Il Pastaio,
which for lack of a better word, was @#$% ing Transcendent! Ethereal! Sublime! Exquisite! Celestial!!

Il Pastaio

In any case, you get the point that it was delicious.
It was this:
Lemon and Saffron Risotto.
The Arborio rice was al-dente- perfectly so.
*Note to TLV “Chefs” – You DO NOT make risotto by putting rice and water into a pan, covering it, and walking away. Testo di Cazzo!!!!!
You must STAND THERE AND STIR IT, CONTINUALLY, THE ENTIRE TIME.
And PS. remember the Italian saying of how to make perfect risotto:

“Rice is born in water, and dies in wine”

This means, add wine to the rice in the pan first- before anything else!
Not water, or  the old Israeli favourite- powdered chicken soup concentrate.
I’ll give you guys this helpful tip free of charge!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arborio_rice

It was FLAT- which by the way, is EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be!
You aren’t supposed to be able to stack up risotto up in a tall pile!!
(i.e., unlike the SPACKLE which is passed off as risotto everywhere else in Tel-Aviv- soggy, mushy, filled with butter, cheap cheese, and believe it or not usually cream too, and so thick it can be and usually is, put into ring-molds and formed into solid, nasty, mountains- and usually served with some more crap piled on top of that, I might add!!)

It was filled with the delicate taste of both fresh lemons, and the ephemeral fragrance of a very special type of saffron.

Saffron Harvesting

Which comes from, well, let’s just say:
“A Nation with whom Israel does not have Diplomatic Ties with”.
It is the best saffron in the world, and if you happen to watch the Istanbul episode of my show, Duet, (here’s a promo clip from here. The clip is in Hebrew, sorry.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=142785493139&ref=mf

The show itself however is in English.
If you happen to live in Asia, Europe, Russia, or Israel, you can see it on tv.
If not, ask GRB media, which is the US distributor, to release it in the US. Thanks!!

There you will see me comment on finding some of it in the market there.
NO ONE here, other than me, uses this stuff, and instead uses the cheap,
C-grade Spanish saffron which has an unmistakably bitter aftertaste.

Did I mention the slight creaminess of EXACTLY the right amount of Parmigiano Reggiano?!

Parmigiano Reggiano

The colour of that heavenly saffron shining like the golden rays of a sunset in Paradise?!
The sighs of sensual delight as we all devoured every last grain of rice and then felt like picking up the plate and licking it?!

Well, in any case, the last time I had a risotto that perfect, it was made by the blessed hands of my legendary saute cook, “Manny”  (Manuel)-
A tiny, aggressive, Yucatan Mexican Mayan Indian, who happened as well as being one of the best line cooks I ever had the privilege of working with, was a true master of the art of making a perfect risotto, had a wicked and cynical sense of humour, and was also married to a 6- foot tall Irish redhead who loved to drink  and fight almost, well, ok, even more, than Manny himself.
What a Legend!

But I digress: the risotto, made by Manny, that had been burned into my memory as being the best I ever had, up until last night ,
(And p.s. this includes the dozens I have eaten all over Italy)
happened to have been a wild mushroom risotto, made with a mix of pristine wild chanterelles,  lobster mushrooms, and porcinis, from the forests of California, and hand-delivered by a bear of a guy who looked like he himself lived in a hollow log in the same forest his precious mushrooms were collected in!!)

Wild Mushrooms

Manny, “En Camote” (deep in the S**T ) of a particularly vicious service which included, among other things, tickets rumbling out of the printer like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, RH half-drunk on a bottle of red wine hidden indiscreetly behind the waiter’s buzzer, yet nonetheless expediting perfectly the seething mass of aggression, stress, and fiery madness that was an  Enrico’s Friday night dinner rush-

And in the middle of this mayhem, Manny passed down the line to me, as I was working my usual station on the grill, directly in the malevolent, tractor-beam like glare of RH, the leftover remains from a pan of that mythological risotto.
I stuck a spoonful of it in my mouth, in between throwing on the grill a frightening number of duck breasts, tuna steaks, boneless quail, and god knows what else the Evil Expeditor had mercilessly called to me all at once..
And I tell you when that risotto hit my tongue I heard a heavenly chorus of Angels singing!

The singing Angel actually didn't look like this. but this picture is more interesting

About 20 minutes later, a waiter comes running in, risking the Wrath of RH by showing his face in the kitchen without being buzzed- warning us that a table of Italians were on their way to the kitchen and they wanted to speak to the chef about the risotto they had just eaten.

“WTF?!” I remember thinking, “what in the name of Batman’s Mother does anyone have to say about the risotto?! It was perfect!”
I turned my attention back to the grill, whose entire surface was by now completely covered, with not a centimeter to spare- yet nonetheless didn’t prevent RH from calling me another 9-10 items which he could see with his own eyes I couldn’t possibly fire, yet still earned me a withering comment referring to my clumsy ineptitude, or something of that nature.. and a dirty look, too!

A few seconds later, 3 Italian guys who looked like they just rolled out of their Villa in Sicily, burst into the kitchen :
“Who made that risotto?!” they demanded, looking around aggressively.

Sicilian Villa

RH turned and fixed them with a scowl frightening enough to turn your blood to ice- and sad “That guy”- pointing to Manny, who at this point was 12 saute pans deep in the middle of a typically colossal fire of orders-

What happened next was a shock, I’ll tell you-
That was 17 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday!
These 3 Italians jumped behind the line, grabbed Manny, and one after the other, kissed him on both cheeks- shouting that they had made a bet that the only person who could have made that perfect risotto was an Italian- and that the waiter told them that not only was Manny NOT Italian- he was a Mayan Mexican Indian- and they had bet him 100$ each that he was lying-

After shaking his hand and giving Manny 100$ as well, they went out of the kitchen in search of the waiter, who had just made a hefty bonus for the evening.. and who Manny himself searched out after the shift to demand a 50% cut of the proceeds that the waiter had earned due to his risotto skills…!!
Well, anyway, as usual, I seem to have gotten distracted, but the point being, is up until last night as I said, Manny’s Risotto was the best I’ve ever had…

So enough of this talking.
Get your A** over to Il Pastaio this instant, and ask Tel-Aviv’s incarnation of Manny- (Moshe- who is chef Itzaac’s sous-chef, who I demanded to meet last night and basically did to him what those Italians did to Manny years ago-)
to make you a risotto- ANY damn type he decides to make-
Although I would highly recommend asking, or outright begging, if necessary, for that saffron and lemon risotto, which I will be dreaming of, with lust and desire in my heart, until next time I am there to eat it again!!!!!

http://www.ilpastaio.co.il/pasta_ita.html

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“Il Pastaio”?? “what, is this some new place in town??”
This is what I hear every time I mention that I love this place.
The fact of the matter is, Il Pastaio has been open in TLV for more than 18 years- or, , similar to “Dog Years”, that means about 18,650 “TLV restaurant years”.

And in that time, it has managed to avoid falling into virtually every one of the stereotypical pitfalls of most of the other places in town- It isn’t owned by a huge group of  greedy and pompous investors, all of whom expect to take home 5-digit monthly salaries for doing nothing, while demanding their manager hire a chef to work 6 days a week for a global salary that their spoiled kids would laugh at if offered as their allowance, and closing the place after 2 years, amidst scandals and lawsuits.

It hasn’t been expensively decorated by some stuck-up interior designer who pays more attention while planning the space to the size of the sex/coke sniffing lounges (bathrooms) than to the size and comfort of the kitchen.

And most importantly of all, at Il Pastaio, they could care less about hiring some high-powered PR firm to pump the media full of overblown and inaccurate press releases, articles, and interviews ad nauseum, bringing in tons of people who don’t know or care if the food is actually good or not, as long as they can say they saw the chef on TV or read some ass-kissing article written by someone who was paid to sit there and write a glowing review.

No. Here you come because you want to EAT DELICIOUS FOOD.
Nothing more, nothing less!

Let’s speak frankly:
The place doesn’t have flattering lighting.
Normally this is something I am unforgiving about, being, ahem, of  “A Certain Age”.
But I suck it up, put on some extra make-up, and STFU about it here!
It has a few tattered posters of Italian Formula 1 racecar drivers adorning the walls, as decoration.
And if I am not mistaken, there may even be a vase of artificial flowers in the corner. Yikes!

Two of my BFF's who happen to also be frequent dining companions

However- what it lacks in atmosphere, it more than makes up for in the food.
They make perfect pastas, all by hand by the chef, Itzac, who is the son of the owner, who works in the front, along with his sister.

You won’t see him offering some “wasabi-flavoured pasta with Brazilian meatballs” or similar experimental silliness, complete with 4 different sauces in squirt-bottles splattered all over the rims of oversized square plates here!
No way!!! He is Old-School all the way!
Respect!!!
They also sell their superb fresh pastas by weight from the shop, if you feel like cooking at home..

on my way to Il Pastaio on my bike a while ago, I saw this beautiful work by my favourite street artist, “Klone Yourself”

My particular favourite pasta here is the Porcini raviolis- delicate, small, charmingly cut in the shape of an actual porcini mushroom, they are packed with intense, true porcini flavour. Every time I order these I feel like ordering another plate of them when I finish the first one! There are excellent gnocchi in real Italian Gorgonzola sauce (NOT cheap, Israeli “Rokfor” I might add!!) Delectable, Lasagne Bianca, perfectly made. Succulent Scalloppine of Veal with Porcini mushrooms, another one of my favourite dishes here. Also an excellent-quality rare entrecote steak, grilled and thinly sliced, on a bed of pristine, fresh arugula, it is light and clean. Too bad there’s no radicchio to be found in Israel!! But that’s not their fault!!The “Carciofi alla Giudia” (Jewish Artichokes- the classic Roman dish) are surprisingly made with delicately marinated artichoke hearts- different, and exquisite. I always eat 3 by myself. (What?! gluttonous you say??! Thank you!!)

Carciofi alla Giudia

Even the old standard Veal alla Milanese, which most people seem to think is just another word for “schnitzel” (it is NOT!) is precise, tender, juicy, and made with a thin slice of REAL veal, with the bone, lightly dredged in crumbs and pan-fried- NOT heavily breaded with a nasty, thick batter of flour, eggs, and breadcrumbs and deep-fried in soy oil, as you will find if you make the horrible mistake of ordering “Milanese” elsewhere.

As a matter of fact, I basically am going to go out on a limb here and say I would be damn surprised if no matter what you order here, won’t be delicious.

As for wine, the list isn’t worth mentioning, but who cares. I always order a few bottles of Orvieto Classico,

The breathtaking Medieval Italian city of Orvieto. I drank some wine here, I can tell you!!

and at less than 90 shekels a bottle, it’s light, crisp, refreshing and goes perfectly with the food here.
If you insist on being a snob, bring your own good bottle and pay the corkage.

As you all know, I adore Rome. In fact, it happens to be one of my favourite cities.
here is a great place I love, and you should try, when in Rome:
Hostaria Romana
Via del Boccaccio, 1, Rome, Italy
064745284

Rima eats fresh Porcini at Hostaria Romana, Rome

I can truly say that Il Pastaio, in both authenticity of food, family-run and warm, and with it’s absolutely non-TLV poseur-oriented atmosphere, I feel like I am sitting in Rome every time I go here, and you will too.

Two cooks on a break in Rome near Piazza Navona

Alon outside the Coliseum

I adore Italian food, and it is one of my most cherished foods to both cook, and eat.

It took me 10 minutes to get this shot

I guess conservatively, I have spent more than 20 years studying and cooking Italian food, from all areas of Italy, and it makes me damn mad to see some coffee-house cowboy with 2 years kitchen experience insulting this noble cuisine by serving up soggy, overcooked pastas swimming in bowls of hideous cream sauces, or plating up “gnocchi” that are so heavy, Tony Soprano could use them as weights when he sends someone who double-crossed him, to “Sleep with the Fishes”!

And it makes me even madder to see some “Top Chef” who, as accomplished as he may be in his own style of food, nonetheless has zero experience in Italian food, yet opens some flashy “Italian” place with his name splashed all over the press and with a line out the door- because  he apparently thinks, “How hard could it be to cook Italian food??” and his PR team will back him up- all the way to the bank- at the expense of the dining experience of the Israeli Public.

Jackass

But when you eat there, if you have actually ever eaten true Italian food, you realize, to your dismay, that you have just been, well, screwed yet again-
Compliments of the nepotistic and clique-ish Israeli PR machines and their fawning servants, the media.  I’m not naming names here, but I could!!!

Do yourself a favour and avoid the hype, the nonsense, the empty pretensions of unqualified charlatans,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8StG4fFWHqg

And more importantly, avoid the inevitably mediocre food to be found so often in so many other “Italian” places in TLV -
and go get a truly excellent Italian meal at Il Pastaio.
And don’t forget to tell those guys over there to get a plate of Jewish Artichokes ready for me! I’m on the way over!!

Il Pastaio
איל פסטיו
http://www.ilpastaio.co.il/
27 Eben Gvirol street
אבן גבירול 27
Tel: 5251166

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